I'm quite a private person. In fact, D and I are quite a private couple. We don't have a set of close friends, we just have friends that we see from time to time. These friends don't know about our problems with ttc.
The majority of people who do know about our problems with ttc are my friends and my family. I suppose it is a woman thing, we like to talk and we like to share problems and get advice. There are a small number of friends who know because they have been through it themselves. Then there are the friends who have families and know because there was the question of whether we were trying for a family, replying two and a half years ago that we were ttc means that they know but may not know all the details.
Then there's the family. I told my sister because we are very close and we share everything. I didn't mention anything to my parents until I went to the doctors and started having the blood tests (about a year ago). My parents live in the same village as us, go to the same doctors and knew that I was going on a regular basis so my mum asked what was wrong. I told her. The moment I told her I wished I could take it back. The main reason was her response, she said that all we probably needed to do was relax. My own mother said that! I couldn't believe it. I know that she meant well and that she just didn't know what to say for the best, but really.
Another year on and I'm really starting to wish that I hadn't told so many people. I know that it is good to have the support of those around you but I think that most of the time they don't know how to deal with it or what to say. They just don't seem to get it.
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4 comments:
Sorry to hear they aren't giving you the support you need. But, I'm sure if you hadn't told them you'd be dealing with even more insensitive comments.
You know what- ultimately telling them and not telling them makes no difference..if they are sensitive and mature they would be gracious whether you tell them or not.. and the gossipy ones (friends, acquaitances -not the family) would, even if you dont tell - deduce and still hurt.So dont beat yourself up too much for having shared it in a moment of weakness. Trust me - the last thing we need is for us to join in with the rest of the world in berating us!
I'm so sorry that your friends and family aren't able to offer you the support you need. I think that it can be difficult for people who haven't had to deal with infertility themselves to understand just how devastating a condition it is - and so they finish up saying well-meaning but ultimately insulting things like 'why don't you just relax'.
I can only hope that you find a greater sense of understanding and support here within the blogging community.
I think we all do this. We finally open up, we try to educate and share, and then it bites us in the ass and they ALL want to talk about it and we just want to get away from it because talking about it with people who don't GET it just isn't worth it.
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