I never really thought that long and hard about whether to tell people about our infertility or not. For the majority I think it kind of just happened.
I don't mind my University friends knowing. They are now all mothers but there was a time when it was hot conversation because we were all trying. We were all trying, they fell pregnant, I was still trying, they had their first babies, I was still trying, they had their second babies. Now they are so busy with their family that they don't tend to make contact much so I can cope with that. In addition to that they live quite far away so I don't see them all that often.
D's family don't know a great deal about our situation so there is no real problem there.
The problem is my family. My sister has known from day dot because we are like twins, we share everything. My other sister, I don't talk to her unless I have to. How much does she know about my infertility? Probably everything that my mum knows because she will not have been able to keep it to herself. My mum would have also told her friends and her sisters, I am pretty sure of that. My mum only knows about the last year or so. I can't quite remember how it all came about with telling her but she is one person that I wish I hadn't told. I don't mean that in a horrible way and she hasn't done anything to make me feel this way, it's just me, I'm finding the whole thing really uncomfortable and a tiny bit suffocating.I think I mentioned it in passing one day and she told me that her and my dad had assumed that D and I had decided not to have children. After that there was always questions about doctors appointments, hospital appointments etc. My doctors is in their village so it is very difficult to do appointments without being seen by somebody.
I know that I sound ungrateful and that I should be thankful that I have the support of my family. I can't help the way I feel. D and I are quite private people and I really don't want anybody, bar my sister and friend at work, knowing when we are doing IVF. I just don't think that I will be able to cope with all the attention, questions, tears etc. I'm thinking that I will tell them that the waiting list is longer than what it is and just not saying anything when we do get the go ahead. Is that mean of me? I feel mean but I have to think about my sanity.
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3 comments:
No - it is not mean. You have to do what you're comfortable with. If you're not comfortable with sharing until after the IVF cycle, that's fine too. Us bloggy friends are here to support you too! ::hugs::
Not mean at all. Totally your decision to extend the waiting list.
(Course you know you'll get pregnant first shot and your unaware Mum'll perpetuate the myth with "My daughter couldn't get pregnant and then, whilst she was waiting for IVF she got pregnant naturally". I hope so anyway).
Thanks for the reassurance that I am not being mean. It is very much appreciated. Let's hope that I can tell them that there is a waiting list when there isn't.
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