A long week

It has been just over a week since I started the injections. It feels a lot longer. It is amazing how quickly you fall into a routine, how something that you have been dreading suddenly feels like the norm. So far I haven't had any side effects, I also haven't had my period. I'd read that this can happen so it is no real surprise however, I am surprised at how quickly I have started to have thoughts of a possible pregnancy. A delayed period, surely I couldn't be pregnant, after all this time. Unlikely but not impossible. Even the doctor told us to keep trying this month, that some people do conceive naturally just before starting IVF. Could we be one of the lucky ones? I've even been thinking about POAS. I can't even remember the last time I POAS.

Of course I haven't gone as far as POAS and I am sure that my period will arrive before I get round to doing it but, in a weird way it has felt quite good to feel such hope, to remember what ttc felt like at the start. In looking back at what it was like in the beginning it has also made me revisit the sadness, despair and depression that I went through. It is only now that I realise just how low I got. Infertility has definitely changed me, I view life differently now. I worry far more about death, I find it hard to connect with my friends who have families and it still feels like we have a large hole in our lives but, I have learned to appreciate life a lot more.

I have come so far through this experience and if nothing else, this week has taught me that whatever happens over the next few weeks, there is no way I want to go back to being that sad, depressed person.