Thursday, 19 February 2009
Tired
I'm really struggling at the moment and I don't know why. Well, when I say I don't know why, I obviously know what the core of the problem is but, I don't know why it is bothering me as much as it is. I know the deal, every month I get my hopes up, every month my period comes, heavier and more painful than the last, every month I turn into the bitch from hell, want to do nothing but lay in bed for days on end and then what? Usually I'm back up and at it. Ready to start afresh, give it another go, convince myself that miracles do happen - I'm told often enough by fertiles who have nothing more to offer you. But, for some reason, this month is different. I've felt this way before. The despair. The anger. The bitterness. The pain. The suffocation. And I am sure that I will get beyond this but, at this moment in time, I can't. I need a break. A break from work, people, ttc, friends, family. I'm tired of pretending that everything is alright, that we are coping with IF.
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5 comments:
I feel your pain, I wish I knew the magic answer...I've been wondering that myself. All I can offer is I've been FORCING myself to get out of the house and do things, and I'm feeling better.
I'm so sorry. It's hard and difficult and painful, and I wish that there were something I could say that would somehow make it easier to deal with.
Please know that are people here to listen, and who will do what we can to support you through this.
Thinking of you.
I know exactly what you are talking about. I am in the exact same place this month. I haven't even been able to update my blog. I just want to go to bed and let life go on without me for a while...I'll catch up later. Good news is I have been here before and eventually it will pass and I will get back to living life. It is a lonely place, but remember that even though we are all fighting our own battles, we are also in it together. I'll keep you in my prayers.
I think it also has a lot to do with the fact that we should be hibernating. Winter is not our natural habitat - our ancestors would have slept from 5pm to 8am. I'll take that. Hope when the sun comes out so your sunny side gets reawakened.
I'm right here beside you. Wishing life would pass me by, too. Seems every moment is a fight, and somedays are just too brutal. No advice, but I'm here with you.
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