No, I am not pregnant and the house sale has not yet completed. What's happened is that I am starting to go slightly stir crazy. I have jumped back on to the whole sperm morphology wagon and, during the course of my research, I have scared myself shitless. Why couldn't I just leave things alone, forget about it until June? Because now, now I am not only stressed, scared, fed-up, lost all hope of conceiving naturally but, I have also become the obsessive bitch that I was about this time last year.
It is probably an accumulation of the fact that it is now three years since we ditched BC, my 34th birthday is looming and this week I have seen the arrival of second babies for two friends who were only just pregnant with their first when we decided to try for a baby.
I don't think it helped that a friend mentioned p.ycnogenol to me the other day. I know that she was trying to help and I have definitely been encouraged by the two studies that have been published but, it has made me research poor morphology again and that research has resulted in me losing any hope that we will conceive naturally. I have read that IUI is a bad treatment to offer couples dealing with poor morphology so I will go flipping mental if our consultant suggests that at our next appointment.
It really does look like our only chance of conceiving is IVF with ICSI. Of course I knew this but there was always the hope that just maybe this would happen naturally. We would beat the odds and, after enough attempts, we would finally get there. Now, I know we won't get there and, if we do, it will be a bloody miracle!
I just wish that the consultant had been open and honest with us about the sperm results. I feel like they have given us false hope. I appreciate that it is important for me to have tests so that we know exactly what it is that we are dealing with but, I can't believe that they haven't discussed the two SA results with us in more detail. I feel like I am going slightly crazy over the whole sperm morphology issue and that I am making up the fact that we have severe issues with the results. With only 2% looking normal on the first test and 4% looking normal on the second surely alarm bells should be ringing. After all, everywhere I read it says that 15% normal are needed for reproduction so why has a couple with only 4% normal been told to try and conceive naturally for 6 months?!
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4 comments:
New look, I like it. That is incredibly frustrating. Is your next appointment June?
I don't know why they'd tell you to try naturally, but I do believe you still have a chance with help. I have a friend who had lower #'s than you, and they got pregnant a couple times through IVF/ICSI. I know all situations are different, but low doesn't mean never.
Interesting post. We are in a similiar situation, being told that morphology is our main issue. But at 9%, I don't think we are that far from the average of %15. And motility is not such a large factor (according to the RE). We've actually done 4 IUIs so far (which I agree, do not necessarily "fix" morphology).
I'll look forward to hearing what your RE tells you at your next visit.
WFI - thanks for the compliments on the new look, I needed a change. Yep, hospital appointment is 2 June so not long now.
Chicklet - thank you for the comment. I'm hoping that low doesn't mean never, just hoping I can convince the hubby.
Hi Rambler, I will definitely be following your journey now. Sorry to hear about the appendicitis, hope you are feeling better soon. x
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