There's more....

Mr D and I have just had a week of work together. I was still reeling from the whole poor morphology thing and, as a result, we ended up having a talk. You know the kind of talk, the one where I say everything that has been on my mind for a while. The husband starts to say what is on his mind and then we discover that we are at totally different places. We don't agree and things start to look a whole lot worse than they did before you had the talk.

I have a husband who needs convincing. He isn't one to think too deeply about things. He doesn't worry about things and he definitely isn't one for reading about things. When we were told the morphology numbers I asked the consultant if this could be the reason why we are not conceiving. I felt like shit asking the question but I had done my research and knew that there was a problem. The consultant said that it could be but that they would have to do other tests on me to be sure. I never told the husband about my concerns over the morphology, until recently. He feels like a failure, that he can't give me the one thing that I want. I keep trying to reassure him that we are in this together and that it doesn't matter whether it is him, me or both of us. I know that he will get over it and that we will move on but during our talk last week he said that he didn't want to do IVF.

I've known his views on assisted conception for a while. I was hoping that they were changing and deep down I am sure that they will change. I know that it is just a reaction to how he is feeling at the moment and, at the time of our talk, I was very upset and stressed. Now, I'm not so bad. I'm finding that I have other things to stress and worry about but I just needed to get it down in a post. I do feel slightly pissed off that nothing is plain sailing. That there is always some sort of obstacle, battle to be won but deep down I know that Mr D wants a family as much as me. I'm hoping that he just needs time (and to hear it from the horses mouth). So, there will be no more talk on IF until our hospital appointment in June.