I would never have predicted the variety of emotions I would be experiencing following approval for treatment on the NHS. Even though the decision is well overdue and I am ecstatic to finally be moving on to the next stage, I have found the whole thing very scary and emotional. I have, however, been reassured by other IF bloggers about to embark on IVF for the first time posting similar fears, concerns and excitement, it makes me realise that everything that I am going through is normal or as normal as it can be.
Surprisingly, this last week I have been experiencing waves of anger similarly to when we first started going through this. I think it is the anticipation of what we have to come, mixed with the thought of yet another Christmas without a family. It's weird because I am aware of it and I know that it is irrational but I can't stop feeling angry that friends were able to have a family without having to go through what we will be going through in February/March/April. I know that this anger will pass, that as the date of our first consultation approaches it will change to excitement, fear, anticipation, optimism, pessimism, hope, and either relief, happiness and joy or sadness and despair.
Our initial consultation is on 1 February which, when I received the letter, felt like a lifetime away. Now, it doesn't feel too bad. Yes, I am keen to get started and I would do it tomorrow if I could but, realistically, February is a good date. It gives us time to detox after Christmas and time really will fly by I am sure.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
5 comments:
Me too, me too, me too! I'm right there with ya! We can go along this crazy journey together. Just know that it is COMPLETELY normal to have all of these feelings. I mean, we're embarking on something that IS tough, that IS emotional...but, we'll come through it! There is hope! Cheers to a great 2010!
Sounds like a perfectly normal reaction to me. But you are right, come Feb you'll be well ready.
I went through everything you are feeling before our first IVF. And you are right about all the emotions, you will feel every single one of them up until the day of your beta. I know it feels good to at least have it within your reach right now, try to stay focused on that. Sending prayers of peace your way.
I know that must feel like forever away but it'll be here soon enough!! And I'm pretty sure how you are feeling is very normal! Hang in there girl!!!
I think you're bang on how a lot of us felt - right down to the Christmas where you think "There should be more of us around the tree than this." The great news is you have a date. Also, that the NHS is paying for it (huge relief, yes?)
And this much time gives you time to emotionally prepare yourself, too. Have you thought about acupuncture, have you looked into your diaries to see what's coming...all of these things you have a bit of time to think about.
Post a Comment