Delayed reaction

So last night was a bit of a nightmare. I was obviously reeling from the news that one of my old friends is 8 months pregnant as I spent the car journey on the way home in tears.

When D came home we started talking about his appointment at the doctors. Hearing the words "we need to relax" come out of his mouth turned me from slightly emotional to completely fucked off and showing said fucked offness by hurling obscene words at D. Of course this went down like a lead balloon and so D joined in with the obscene words and soon we were having quite an argument with lots of tears (on my behalf).

So here's what started it. D went to the doctors to get his second SA results (which showed an improvement on the morphology) but ended up talking to her about how he is feeling. He wanted to know whether he was suffering from depression so he asked for the symptoms, turns out he is stressed but he thinks that I am depressed!! The doctor told him that we should not worry about ttc as there is no obvious reason why we can't conceive and the fact that we did manage it in the past is a good thing. D agrees with the Doc, he is optimistic that it will happen one day, that isn't to say that he isn't stressed about it, but he is pretty confident that this will happen for us.

The problem? I am not at all convinced that this will happen for us. As I said to D last night, if we were going to be able to conceive naturally, wouldn't we have done so by now? We use a fertility monitor to find out when I am ovulating and we have sex around that time and still nothing. Basically, we have given it our best shot and that just isn't enough. Another thing that pissed me off is that the doctor says that we have nothing to worry about, we are now being referred (halleluah) and we match the criteria for funding on the NHS. Apparently lots of people are now having their families later (can you detect the sarcasm in my writing here) and it is quite common for people to have babies in their early 40's! My response (which was spat at my husband, not v attractive) was "I don't want to be having a fucking baby when I am 37, 38, or 39! That is too old for me." Of course, if push comes to shove I would probably be happy to have a baby in my late 30's but at the moment I am pissed off because I wanted to have a baby in my early 30's.

The outcome? We both calmed down and discussed it like the civil adults we are, made a couple of jokes about when we do become parents and then went and had sex (not make-up sex but the "we must have sex because I am ovulating" sex!)