Hope, hopeful, no hope

Well hope kept me hopeful for longer than usual. My usually short cycle was a long cycle this month with a small amount of bleeding on day 28, 29, and 30. I am still waiting for the flood gates to open and to be honest I am getting pissed off with waiting. Thing is, I asked for it really because I didn't want to be suffering with a heavy period and emotions when I met my friends at the weekend. So I kept saying to myself, please just hold off until after the weekend, and what does it do? It bloody holds off until nearly a week later. Problem is, I've convinced myself that I feel like I did when I last had a positive pregnancy test and that the bleeding that I have had has been minimal (honestly though, has it really?) and that the minimal bleeding is implantation bleeding. Who AM I KIDDING?!

I know that it is not implantation bleeding, there is too much of it. I know that I am not pregnant, because it isn't going to happen. I know that the flood gates are going to open, because why wouldn't they?!

Now, on to my weekend. I had a really good time, I didn't get jealous of my friends, in fact I felt slightly removed from them. They were chatting away about their little ones and I was just taking it all in. I was interested in what they had to say but I also took on board what they were like and making a mental note to do things this way or that way when my turn came. Perhaps I am in quite a good position, I can see how having a family has affected others and learn from that.

One thing I did find quite insensitive, but typical, is the way they constantly went on about when to start trying for their second baby. Come on guys, I know that it is a BIG thing in your lives but spare a little thought for the childless person sat in the same room as you.