OMFG!

After spending the majority of this 2ww WITHOUT any hope, a big dollop of it has decided to embed itself in my head. I know that this is TOTALLY INSANE but for some reason it's there. Perhaps it is because the cramps have disappeared or, is it because I was beginning to cushion the blow of a failure. I was suddenly seeing this IVF as not having worked so my mind decided that I needed more pain. I needed to feel this failure more. It thought, I know what I'll do, I start putting doubts in her head about the sticks that she is peeing on, perhaps they aren't meant to be used so early. They are, after all only a cheap supermarket brand.

Tell me, why didn't I use the sticks that are designed to test up to 6 days early? You know, the tests that have been sat, DOING NOTHING, in my draw for over a year. Why did I go for the cheap, hard to open tests that say to test the day your period is due? I know that I am clutching at straws here but right now clutching at straws feels a whole lot better than feeling like a failure. Of course I have google.d 8dp5dt and the majority of negatives on that day are negatives full stop but, tell me, did they use a cheap supermarket brand that is only designed to be tested on the day your period is late?

Please, I need to be brought back down to reality, I need to know that I am not going completely insane. Does this denial happen to everyone? I suppose tomorrow will tell as I am going to use one of the super doper ones and take whatever that says on 10dp5dt as correct (unless my period arrives between now and then). Seriously, I'm sure that I am suffering from a delayed reaction to all those drugs.