Doctors appointment

Yesterday I was back at the doctors to get the low down on D's SA results and to hopefully get that all important referral.

D had been to get his SA results and although he had conveyed them to me fairly well I wanted to hear it from the horses mouth (so to speak) so D had given me permission to discuss his results with the Dr. Hearing the results from the Dr made me feel bad, real bad. In fact, you could say that I panicked when the Dr went through his results with me. Don't get me wrong, they weren't terrible, there is sperm there, he had a fairly good percentage of rapid moving sperm and she can't see any reason why we shouldn't conceive naturally with what he does have BUT, and that is a very big BUT - the morphology is not great - which means that if one of the not so great sperms made it to the egg then it would struggle to penetrate it. The Dr says that this probably explains why it is taking us a bit longer to conceive but she is sure that we will get there.

I so feel for D, I'm sure that he is feeling very much the same as me, I can't help but feel that this is the end for us in terms of the possibility of conceiving naturally. I know I am being irrational as there IS sperm there and some of it is looking pretty good but it is just the fact that there is also some of it which isn't looking so good.

The appointment also made me realise just how important it is for me to lose some of this sodding weight. My BMI is under 30....JUST! And to be able to qualify for funding my BMI needs to be under 30. Please let this be the incentive that I need to sort myself out. My weight has been getting me down lately and yesterday was just the end of the line for me. I hate what I have become.

The referral is not going to happen until April as the funding has run out for this financial year. In all honesty I am dreading the next stage because I know that it is going to involve lots of questions, tests and disappointment, I so hope I get pregnant before I have to embark on this journey but something deep inside tells me that it is not going to be as easy as that.

So for now, D has to do another SA sample to see whether the new results are an improvement on the last and I have to try and lose some weight. Fingers crossed.