No control

I hate having no control over things. I'm not saying that I am a control freak but I don't like having events in my life that are completely and utterly out of my control. The house situation and the ttc situation are both out of my control and I think that is why they are bothering me so much. I NEED to feel in control of my life again. The big question is HOW? I cannot control the selling of my house. The only way I can take control of that situation is either by taking it off the market or by placing it in the hands of another estate agent. If I take the house off the market I will be admitting defeat and both me and D will have to accept that we are going to have to continue to live in a street that we are not happy in for the rest of this year, at least. If we change estate agents we will have to pay for a HIP and I have the feeling that the value of our house will have dropped.

I am not in control of the ttc thing now that we have been referred to the hospital. Every day I go home and hope that I will have a letter waiting for me, telling me that the next step on this crap journey is about to take place. BUT every day I am disappointed as this letter is nowhere to be seen. I hate the fact that I am having to wait for the doctors to refer me, that I have to wait for an appointment and then the fact that I am going to have to talk to a consultant who will decide what is best for me.

To top off the feeling of having no control, after a week of sticking to WW I only lost 0.5lb last night, HALF A BLOODY POUND! Is it really worth it? SO, let's recap, I am not in control of the house sale, ttc or my weight, so what is there that I AM in control of? I'm in control of this blog (which I am hiding from the outside world), I'm in control of.....no, this is too difficult. I can't think of anything to list. This blog is the only thing that I feel really in control of.

I'm starting to think that I need help.