Home alone

As of tonight I will be home alone for a whole week. I'm quite looking forward to the me time but I'm not so keen on the night time. Hopefully I will be able to sleep without D next to me.

I'm currently in the 2ww and I am amazing myself at how positive I am feeling this month. Positivity is a good thing, right?! I know that because I have actually thought about the possibility that THIS may be THE month it means that it is NOT going to be THE month but I just can't seem to help it. It has been one of our best months for attempting this thing in a long time and it is that thought that is keeping me so positive.

Saying that, I am thinking of taking time off from the fertility monitor after this cycle. I think it is putting too much pressure on us and a couple of months without it will hopefully do us the world of good. Anyway, it's not as if there aren't other signs to look for so I'll still have an idea of when I am ovulating.

I've given up waiting for the referral letter from the hospital after I read a few message boards. In some areas women had waited three years to get to the top of the waiting list for NHS funded IVF so there really isn't any rush.

After having a bad couple of weeks last month I am back to feeling positive again. I really do hate the roller coaster of emotions and each time I get to this more positive state of mind I hope that it is a sign of me COPING better with the whole IF thing and one day I am sure that it will be. For now I am happy to NOT focus on all the stuff that doesn't seem to want to happen to us, like sell our house and get the hell out of a road that winds up us beyond belief or, get pregnant. That stuff is not going to wind me up for the next few months, at least, as I am determined to enjoy the summer.

I'm going to focus on the more positive things, like the fact that I have so far lost 6.5lbs and another 0.5lb means that I will have lost half a stone. I still have a long way to go but slowly is the best way to lose it so I am not complaining.