Me next

I have a list of IF bloggers that I check in on a regular basis. Over recent weeks quite a lot of these IF blogs have turned into pregnancy blogs. I am really happy for these people but I can't help but think "when will it be me?" Every time I hear these success stories I lose a little bit of hope that it could happen to me, it makes me think that I am going to be the one that doesn't succeed.

I'm just about coping with IF at the moment. I have moments when it is particularly hard and there isn't a day that goes by when I don't wish or dream that this is going to happen for us, but I am trying not to let it totally rule my life. I'm 33 and I really don't want to look back in five years time and think that I have wasted, what should be the best years of my life, on waiting for something which may never happen.

I was talking to my hairdresser the other day. My hairdresser is about to start IVF so we sit and chat about all things IF. We are in a similar situation in that we are both struggling to be able to conceive, rather than carry a pregnancy to full term. I actually admitted to her that part of me is jealous of the women that can conceive quite easily but who struggle to carry a pregnancy beyond the first trimester. I know that this is a horrible thing to say but it is so frustrating when you don't even get a chance at this thing. On two of the blogs that I read both the women have experienced two miscarriages and then have gone on to have a perfectly healthy pregnancy (fingers crossed for one of them as she is 15 weeks gone at the moment). To not even achieve a positive pregnancy is so frustrating. I haven't have a positive pregnancy test for near on two years now and I am so frustrated. To get past the first hurdle would certainly give me more hope than what I have at the moment.