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What a shit night! My mood went downhill rapidly and, although I have recovered a bit today, I am not feeling great.

It started with my weekly visit to WW. I didn't lose any weight, which I know is better than putting on weight but is still very disappointing. I wanted to be in the next stone bracket before the end of July and I only had one pound to lose to achieve that but obviously it wasn't meant to be.

So, I'm in the car heading back to my mums. This is where it gets worse for me but won't mean a great deal to anybody else. It is also quite complicated!

My M & D live in a lovely part of our village and D and I have been desperate to move into this part of the village for 2 years now. Whenever we visit my M & D we get depressed because it just reminds us of how shit our area is, plus we have to go past a house that we were days away from buying before our buyers' buyer pulled out (constant reminder).

As a result of our desire to move to a better area D and I have viewed lots of houses in that area. There was one particular house that had everything that we wanted: hallway, utility, conservatory, south facing garden and within our price range. We viewed it and instantly fell in love with it. The couple who live in this house were lovely, they were buying the house next door (because it was 4 bedrooms and they wanted the extra room). This couple had one son who was about 1 and a half at the time of the viewing.

We were so keen on this house that we dropped the price of ours in an attempt to get a buyer. They were desperate to sell theirs because they had already put an offer in on the house next door and were going to have two mortgages going at once. In the end they pulled out of their sale with the four bedroom house and took their house off the market. When we got a buyer for ours I was so tempted to put a note through their door to see whether they would consider selling but in the end we went for one around the corner (the one we were days away from buying).

So that's the history, back to last night. We were travelling back to my mums and I see the couple walking. She is pushing a bike that the little boy is riding and he, well he is pushing a buggy, and it wasn't just any buggy, it was a double! Without thinking I blurting out, "I don't fucking believe it, they have twins now. Not only are they living in our ideal house they have two new babies, why the fuck can't D and I have anything that we want and every other fucker manages to have everything and more". My mum was speechless to say the least! And to add insult to injury, not only was it twins but it was one of each, a boy and a girl.

Now I know that it isn't natural to react in this way but I have my period and sometimes things just make me flip. I went to my mums, had a glass of wine, hijacked the bottle and drunk the rest of it at home. When D came home I just burst in to tears telling him. I was a state, I was feeling really sorry for myself and felt so low. Went to bed slightly happier because D and I had a good chat. Woke up at 3am with period pains from hell (yet another reminder) and a hangover!

I am so sick of this, I can think about other things, focus on positives and refuse to let this whole thing get to me but, at the end of the day, it is always going to be there, lurking, waiting for a situation like the one yesterday.