My husband can be very odd at times. Just when I begin to relax and think that he is with me on this, that he gets it, that he has accepted our next course of action, he becomes a total pain in the arse.
It would seem that the husband thought that us going on a NHS waiting list for assisted conception would give us at least another year of trying for a baby the good old fashioned way. Here's how I know (our conversation last Thursday):
Me: Our holiday in November is going to have to be a cheap one (said in my head: because of the need to save for IVF).
Him: It always was only going to be a cheap one. We can't afford to go to the Maldives.
Me: I know we can't afford the Maldives but what I am saying is that we need to get a holiday as cheap as possible.
PAUSE
Me: Anyway, I could be pregnant come November if we do IVF over the next few months.
Him: You could be pregnant in November by conceiving naturally.
Me: Yes, I could be pregnant in November from conceiving naturally (said in my head: but is it really likely? No, because we have been trying it that way for over three years now. You are clearly not with me on this as much as I thought).
So, the husband is still not quite there with the whole being referred to a clinic for assisted conception yet.
When will he accept it? He makes me feel guilty for thinking and talking about assisted conception. I have tried to explain to him that I would love to be surprised by a natural conception but I'm certainly not going to waste another three years of my life, on the off chance that it will happen.
Anyway, the husband is away this week on a male biking holiday (not in Mars), I only hope that he takes this week to think, and get his head around, the whole assisted conception thing.
WFI - I'm not ignoring your questions and concerns over egg sharing but I need a bit more time to read up on the process before I ponder it.
Showing posts with label assisted conception. Show all posts
Showing posts with label assisted conception. Show all posts
Monday, 8 June 2009
Thursday, 4 June 2009
The aftermath
Throughout this journey I have always been grateful for the NHS. There are so many accounts from American IF bloggers who, if not insured, have had to find the funding for their IF treatment. In fact I have always found it quite scary to hear just how much money people have invested in trying to have a baby. In the UK we really are very lucky, (hark at me, not a bitter bone in my body!) although I could have done with being a bit luckier (and actually got some funding!).
Our My plan (if things got to the assisted conception stage) was to have a free go on the NHS and then when if that didn't work we would fund our second (and last) attempt by hopefully going down the egg sharing route (which is cheaper). I'm not concerned about sharing my eggs, in fact I quite like the thought that my eggs may be helping another couple conceive. My only concern with egg sharing is whether I will produce enough and whether they will be of good quality.
Anyway, I'm digressing. Let's get back to the money issue. I'm crap with money. I've never saved for anything in my life. Now the husband, he is fantastic with money. He is a saver. After our hospital appointment we discussed the issue of paying for treatment and my lovely husband said that if we have to pay, we pay. Which is easy for him, as a saver. Not so easy for us as a couple. I fear that he is going to say that we are going to have to save for it. Save! Saving takes time and I want to start treatment as soon as. So now I am worried. I'm worried that we will have to stall the referral. I'm worried about how much it is all going to cost. I'm worried about how we are going to pay for it, and I'm worried that we are going to fall out over the money issue. (In case you hadn't guessed, I'm a worrier, I really do worry about everything).
This morning I worked out how much it would cost us if we were able to go down the egg sharing route and how much it would cost if we ended up having to pay for a full IVF cycle.*
It isn't an extortionate amount of money but it is more than we bargained for (before Tuesday when we were fairly smug that we would get a go on the NHS). I have a small amount of money saved up - would have had more but overspent one month! We very recently purchased a new car (which I can't part with because I absolutely adore it and, if this treatment does not work, I will need some creature comforts and joy). So that just leaves the husband's savings or, some funds from the impending house sale.
Ah! The house. Could that be the answer? I think yes. There are a couple of concerns about the house sale. The first, is that it is going to fall through (quite a biggy), the second is that we don't know exactly how much we are going to be left with (we really didn't make a killing on the sale and then there is the solicitors / estate agents fees etc.) and thirdly, we did have a plan that would have meant staying on the property ladder (sort of). Using some of the house money would change our plans on the house buying front but, at the moment, I think this is a priority. All I need to do now is convince the husband.
Blimey! Tuesday's hospital appointment has really opened up a whole new load of dilemmas which, if I am being honest with you, has left me kind of excited.
*If I don't produce enough eggs or they are not good enough we get the option to revert to a full paying cycle. We need to be prepared for this.
Anyway, I'm digressing. Let's get back to the money issue. I'm crap with money. I've never saved for anything in my life. Now the husband, he is fantastic with money. He is a saver. After our hospital appointment we discussed the issue of paying for treatment and my lovely husband said that if we have to pay, we pay. Which is easy for him, as a saver. Not so easy for us as a couple. I fear that he is going to say that we are going to have to save for it. Save! Saving takes time and I want to start treatment as soon as. So now I am worried. I'm worried that we will have to stall the referral. I'm worried about how much it is all going to cost. I'm worried about how we are going to pay for it, and I'm worried that we are going to fall out over the money issue. (In case you hadn't guessed, I'm a worrier, I really do worry about everything).
This morning I worked out how much it would cost us if we were able to go down the egg sharing route and how much it would cost if we ended up having to pay for a full IVF cycle.*
It isn't an extortionate amount of money but it is more than we bargained for (before Tuesday when we were fairly smug that we would get a go on the NHS). I have a small amount of money saved up - would have had more but overspent one month! We very recently purchased a new car (which I can't part with because I absolutely adore it and, if this treatment does not work, I will need some creature comforts and joy). So that just leaves the husband's savings or, some funds from the impending house sale.
Ah! The house. Could that be the answer? I think yes. There are a couple of concerns about the house sale. The first, is that it is going to fall through (quite a biggy), the second is that we don't know exactly how much we are going to be left with (we really didn't make a killing on the sale and then there is the solicitors / estate agents fees etc.) and thirdly, we did have a plan that would have meant staying on the property ladder (sort of). Using some of the house money would change our plans on the house buying front but, at the moment, I think this is a priority. All I need to do now is convince the husband.
Blimey! Tuesday's hospital appointment has really opened up a whole new load of dilemmas which, if I am being honest with you, has left me kind of excited.
*If I don't produce enough eggs or they are not good enough we get the option to revert to a full paying cycle. We need to be prepared for this.
Wednesday, 3 June 2009
The end of the NHS road
It has been 18 months since I initially went to the doctors. 18 months since the doctor told us that there was funding for IF in our region and that we met the criteria.
It has been 8 months since our initial consultation at the hospital and 6 months after I had the laparoscopy and was informed that, if I did not get pregnant in the next six months, our next step would be assisted conception.
6 months of waiting, hoping and anticipating that we would be moving on to the next stage of our IF journey. 6 months of waiting to be told that, as far as the NHS are concerned, it is the end of the road for us. Of course, we can continue our journey alone and they wish us well.
I was in shock. I had done my research. I had seen documents that stated that our Primary Care Trust (PCT) would pay for one cycle of IVF to couples who meet their criteria. Crikey, I had even seen minutes from a meeting in June 2008 that said that they would focus on offering one cycle of IVF to 39+.
When I mentioned all of the above to the Registrar yesterday (obviously the consultant is too important a person to give us the brush off) she was insistent that there is no funding.
Yesterday I was distraught. I felt like they had given us hope and then, at the last minute, snatched it away. I was worried that D would definitely not want to pursue assistance if it meant that we had to find the money for it and I felt angry that they had left us hanging for six months.
So now what? Well, now we try and find the money and we go it alone. D and I talked and we are both committed to giving it a go. D isn't against it and I need to do it to get some closure, if nothing else. At the moment we can't afford it but we are going to look into the possibility of egg sharing in the hope of reducing the cost.
This morning I feel positive. I almost feel happy that we have been released from the NHS. Obviously there is the pressure of funds but, now we can decide exactly when we want to proceed with this and which routes we want to take. In saying that, I'm not going to leave it there. I am in the process of writing a letter to our PCT and I will be making an appointment at my doctors to see whether she can shed some light on it.
It has been 8 months since our initial consultation at the hospital and 6 months after I had the laparoscopy and was informed that, if I did not get pregnant in the next six months, our next step would be assisted conception.
6 months of waiting, hoping and anticipating that we would be moving on to the next stage of our IF journey. 6 months of waiting to be told that, as far as the NHS are concerned, it is the end of the road for us. Of course, we can continue our journey alone and they wish us well.
I was in shock. I had done my research. I had seen documents that stated that our Primary Care Trust (PCT) would pay for one cycle of IVF to couples who meet their criteria. Crikey, I had even seen minutes from a meeting in June 2008 that said that they would focus on offering one cycle of IVF to 39+.
When I mentioned all of the above to the Registrar yesterday (obviously the consultant is too important a person to give us the brush off) she was insistent that there is no funding.
Nope kiddo, it's the end of the road for you two - but don't leave it too long to decide which clinic you want to go to because you have been trying for over three years now.
Yesterday I was distraught. I felt like they had given us hope and then, at the last minute, snatched it away. I was worried that D would definitely not want to pursue assistance if it meant that we had to find the money for it and I felt angry that they had left us hanging for six months.
So now what? Well, now we try and find the money and we go it alone. D and I talked and we are both committed to giving it a go. D isn't against it and I need to do it to get some closure, if nothing else. At the moment we can't afford it but we are going to look into the possibility of egg sharing in the hope of reducing the cost.
This morning I feel positive. I almost feel happy that we have been released from the NHS. Obviously there is the pressure of funds but, now we can decide exactly when we want to proceed with this and which routes we want to take. In saying that, I'm not going to leave it there. I am in the process of writing a letter to our PCT and I will be making an appointment at my doctors to see whether she can shed some light on it.
Thursday, 26 February 2009
Moving on
Before I start I just want to say a big thank you to those who commented on my last post, your comments definitely helped.
I'm still pretty much in the same place as I was when I wrote the last post. I have tried on numerous occasions to get my thoughts out in a post but I'm struggling. I feel impatient to get everything out and, as a result I end up with a jumbled mess that I just delete. So I'm feeling inarticulate and frustrated as well as all the other feelings mentioned in my last post.
I seem to have become obsessed with assisted conception. Throughout our ttc journey there was obviously always the hope, and even possibly a belief, that we would conceive naturally. After the laparoscopy, when we were told to try naturally for 6 months before assisted conception, I have to admit that I was frustrated. I wanted a result there and then, I needed a plan and something else to focus on rather than returning to months of just hoping. Six months seemed like a long time and also a bit of a let down after months of doctors appointments, hospital appointments and the odd procedure. We are nearly half way through the 6 month wait - ttc naturally - and I'm struggling, not just with ttc but the whole idea of assisted conception.
For the first time since we embarked on our ttc journey I realise that assisted conception is, more than likely, our only chance of conceiving. I'm the one who have always been OK with assisted conception it was the husband who didn't want to go down that route. Over the last year and a half I have, in true femme fatale stylie, coaxed him round to my way of thinking. But the big problem now is that I am scared. Not just scared, I am petrified. I know that this is only natural and that I wouldn't be human if I didn't have these feelings but I am shocked, shocked that I am having these feelings. You see, I have always been adamant that I would do anything to have a baby but now, I'm not so sure. Perhaps I should just accept that we weren't meant to be a family and move on, focus on something else - is that at all possible? Will I not be forever wondering what if....
I know that I (thankfully) don't have to make any decisions now and that I will definitely change my mind on a weekly basis but I'm pretty sure that this is the root of my problem. I've realised that we will be moving on up the IF ladder and that the next step is not only big, it is also very slippery.
I'm still pretty much in the same place as I was when I wrote the last post. I have tried on numerous occasions to get my thoughts out in a post but I'm struggling. I feel impatient to get everything out and, as a result I end up with a jumbled mess that I just delete. So I'm feeling inarticulate and frustrated as well as all the other feelings mentioned in my last post.
I seem to have become obsessed with assisted conception. Throughout our ttc journey there was obviously always the hope, and even possibly a belief, that we would conceive naturally. After the laparoscopy, when we were told to try naturally for 6 months before assisted conception, I have to admit that I was frustrated. I wanted a result there and then, I needed a plan and something else to focus on rather than returning to months of just hoping. Six months seemed like a long time and also a bit of a let down after months of doctors appointments, hospital appointments and the odd procedure. We are nearly half way through the 6 month wait - ttc naturally - and I'm struggling, not just with ttc but the whole idea of assisted conception.
For the first time since we embarked on our ttc journey I realise that assisted conception is, more than likely, our only chance of conceiving. I'm the one who have always been OK with assisted conception it was the husband who didn't want to go down that route. Over the last year and a half I have, in true femme fatale stylie, coaxed him round to my way of thinking. But the big problem now is that I am scared. Not just scared, I am petrified. I know that this is only natural and that I wouldn't be human if I didn't have these feelings but I am shocked, shocked that I am having these feelings. You see, I have always been adamant that I would do anything to have a baby but now, I'm not so sure. Perhaps I should just accept that we weren't meant to be a family and move on, focus on something else - is that at all possible? Will I not be forever wondering what if....
I know that I (thankfully) don't have to make any decisions now and that I will definitely change my mind on a weekly basis but I'm pretty sure that this is the root of my problem. I've realised that we will be moving on up the IF ladder and that the next step is not only big, it is also very slippery.
Thursday, 11 December 2008
Laparoscopy
I had the laparoscopy on Tuesday. It was OK. I am sore and still slightly swollen but it is getting better. The worst part was the sore throat from where they had a tube down my throat and the pain in my shoulder from the gas.
The outcome.
I didn't have a blocked tube. It looks like I had a spasm when they did the HSG. Dye went through both of my tubes during the laparoscopy (saw the pictures to prove it!). They did remove some endometriosis and a small cyst from my right ovary.
What next?
We have six months of trying to conceive naturally and if we haven't succeeded by then it will be assisted conception.
How do I feel about that?
I was initially pissed off that we are going to have to wait six months before being referred for assisted conception. If IVF is the only route for us then we won't be placed on the NHS waiting list until June however, I am now thinking that having a break isn't a bad thing. It will do us good to not have to think about it for a while. I don't feel in a hurry at the moment but I'm sure that will change in a couple of months. I'm not really convinced that what they did during the laparoscopy will help us conceive naturally but it won't stop me hoping.
Another hurdle crossed. The next hurdle is easy, six months of lots of sex and hopefully a natural pregnancy, if not it is back to the consultant for the serious stuff.
The outcome.
I didn't have a blocked tube. It looks like I had a spasm when they did the HSG. Dye went through both of my tubes during the laparoscopy (saw the pictures to prove it!). They did remove some endometriosis and a small cyst from my right ovary.
What next?
We have six months of trying to conceive naturally and if we haven't succeeded by then it will be assisted conception.
How do I feel about that?
I was initially pissed off that we are going to have to wait six months before being referred for assisted conception. If IVF is the only route for us then we won't be placed on the NHS waiting list until June however, I am now thinking that having a break isn't a bad thing. It will do us good to not have to think about it for a while. I don't feel in a hurry at the moment but I'm sure that will change in a couple of months. I'm not really convinced that what they did during the laparoscopy will help us conceive naturally but it won't stop me hoping.
Another hurdle crossed. The next hurdle is easy, six months of lots of sex and hopefully a natural pregnancy, if not it is back to the consultant for the serious stuff.
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