Phew! At least we hope it is Phew!

What is it with doctors? My dad went for his biopsy. When he asked the doctor when he could expect the results and where, the doctor flippantly replied "shall we say a month, you come back here?". My dad's face must have dropped because the doctor asked if there was a problem and my dad informed him that he had had 28 days of hell waiting for the biopsy and that he didn't want another 28 days of hell waiting for the results. The doctor then told him that it was nothing to worry about and my dad replied with "well how would I know that?" The doctor then realised his mistake, he had led my dad to believe that it was something serious. He told my dad that he "is almost certain that it is nothing to worry about". Now, that is good news but I am not entirely sure that I am happy with the "almost certain", it would be good to have had the results back to be 100% sure that this thing is benign. I'm not sure that a doctor's word is quite the same. He then went on to say that if they had thought that it was serious they would have had him in earlier and that the results would be back earlier.

Let's hope that the results don't come back early because the doctor's "almost certain" turns out to be wrong.

More waiting

There isn't really a great deal to report. I've started my period so bang goes another cycle. We still haven't heard from the PCT about whether they will fund us and, I've still to make the STI appointment (yep, putting it off because deep down I am worried that I have some nasty STI).

D and I have agreed that we will make the all important call to the consultant's office in mid November. This seems like the best time as September and October are just manic at work and we are planning on going on holiday the first two weeks of November. Leaving it until then also makes the husband happy because it means that we get a few more attempts in the bedroom rather than in a clinic.

I'm starting to worry about my dad who is going in for his biopsy next Tuesday. Hopefully he will get the results quickly (although there is the whole debate about whether quick results will mean a bad outcome). We are hoping that they don't keep him waiting for longer than a week. My sister is coming up the following week to soften any blow. I need her here as I really don't think I could face any bad news on my own. That sounds like I am convinced that it will be bad news. I'm not. I'm just preparing myself for the 'what if'. We could all do with the next few weeks being out the way.

Brick wall

photo by Per Foreby shared under the Creative Commons Licensing

It seems that everything that I plan at the moment just hits a brick wall. Yesterday I went back to my doctors for my day 21 blood test. When I walked into the nurse's room I asked her if there was any news. I meant any news on whether the neighbouring PCT would fund us but she thought I meant the result of my day 3 blood test. She informed me that the results were back and that they were absolutely fine. I asked her the FSH level and she told me....8.8.

CCCCCCCCRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

8.8, it can't be 8.8, it needs to be under 8 for me to be considered on the egg sharing programme.

This isn't crap, this is really fucking shit. I was relying on this route. I had it all planned in my head. This whole crappy infertility thing would have be so much easier to take if we had only paid a couple of thousand of pounds rather than 5-10 thousand to maybe have a baby.

And then, if that wasn't enough crap news I asked her if they had heard from the PCT about funding. She checked my records and said that they hadn't heard about our outcome yet but that she knows that the practice referred four couples and they have received two rejections. So, things aren't looking too good on that front either.

Really, I have just had enough. How many more brick walls are we going to have to hit? Where do we go from here? Well, I'm really not holding out any hope of getting funding from the PCT. I will continue to have my blood tests done (two more cycles), I will book us in to get our STI tests done and then I suppose I will need to make the phone call to the consultant's secretary to request a referral. Then, I suppose we head into the very expensive world of infertility treatment.

The response...

...from the PCT is in!

The letter was long so here are the highlights:

In 2008/09 there was no routine funding of specialist conception they deferred all treatment bar the couples on the existing waiting list who were approaching the upper age limit within the PCT criteria (39+).

In 2009/10 the PCT agreed a phased reintroduction of funding for specialist assisted conception for couples who meet all of the current PCT criteria (check) AND are known to hospital secondary care services (surely they know us, they have been treating us since September 2008) AND where the female is aged 37, 38 or 39 (bugger!).

The hospital who informed me that there was no funding have been told off and I have received an apology on behalf of the registrar who informed you that there was no funding for treatment in June 2009 as this was clearly incorrect. (Is that meant to make me feel better?!)

Apparently there is a mechanism to consider individual cases where a couple do not meet the criteria for funding in 2009/10 and where the GP or hospital consultant feel that there are exceptional circumstances in their case which over-rides the criteria.

Do I have exceptional circumstances? I don't think so. I'm just one of many IF struggling to conceive, there is nothing exceptional about me so my IF journey with this particular PCT is over.

They can stick their NHS funded conception UP THEIR ARSE!

I'm not that angry, I didn't expect my letter to the PCT to miraculously change their mind and place me on a waiting list. It helps having a back up plan. Hopefully I will know either way (next Thursday) whether the neighbouring county has funding and if they will consider our case. If not, we go it alone, spending the small amount of money we made on our house sale in our quest to have a family. I know that we are lucky to have this money but, all I can say is, thank god we eventually sold the house.

I went back to WW and unbelievably I only put on a pound. I seem to have got my eating back under control (day 2 and counting) so let's hope I can shift the last 10lbs to finally get to goal.

In case you are interested, the title picture is the view over our back hedge. Doesn't look like that now though because the Oil Seed Rape flower has died off.

Weighing heavy

My weight is weighing heavy on my mind at the moment. Over the past year I have struggled to gain control over my eating and drinking habit. I have managed to lose over two stone and, as a result I felt fantastic. Note the past tense. I no longer feel fantastic because, over the last few months, my weight has slowly but surely been going up. I’m aware of it. I’m fed up with it. But can I do anything about it? Apparently not.

Tonight it is the moment of truth, after two weeks of non WW attendance (owing to W.imbledon and a date with T.ake That) I am returning to the scales. I’m hoping that the shock of just how much I have put on will knock some sense into me and get me back on track. I know that it is going to be bad because the clothes that I used to feel comfortable in are no longer comfortable. I have no energy, I’m constantly thinking about food and I am fed up that I am letting this control me. I have lost control of the one thing that I can control.

As I hate the NHS and our PCT at the moment I am going to blame this lack of control on them. Talking of my PCT, I finally got round to making that call to them. The call was to set a date by which they have to reply, in writing, to my complaint. I found it a bit bizarre but we agreed a date. So I should have a letter from my PCT by the 14 July telling me what their policy on IVF funding is. How weird is that. I write them a letter and because I don’t give them my phone number they write me a letter asking me to phone them. I phone them and they tell me that they will respond within a certain timeline. Talk about making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Thanks

Just a quickie to say thank you for the well wishes for my dad. He is booked in to have a biopsy on 28 July. We are hoping that the fact that it is 4 weeks away means that they don't think that it is anything serious. He should get the results between 1 and 3 weeks. I knew that he would have to wait for another appointment and whilst I am concerned that he is having to worry for the next three weeks I am relieved that they are not rushing him through because then I think we would have something to worry about.

The T.ake That concert was fantastic. I was hoping to get some pictures but my phone decided to die on me.

Thanks WFI for the link on how to fight/appeal for NHS funding for IVF. It was very interesting and it's good to read that I have done the right things in terms of a FOI request (although if I had read this before I requested the information I would have asked for a lot more information than I did) and a letter to the Chief Executive of the PCT. I have received a letter back from the Interim Head of Engagement & Customer Care who wants me to contact them with a telephone number so that they can contact me about my complaint. Apparently it is "usual practice to contact complainants by telephone within five working days to discuss their concerns and agree a plan of action and timescale by which we can resolve the concerns raised."

In other words, they don't wish to put anything in writing. Anyway, finding a time to call is proving difficult as I am at work but I'll keep you posted.