Not so secret

I'm quite a private person. In fact, D and I are quite a private couple. We don't have a set of close friends, we just have friends that we see from time to time. These friends don't know about our problems with ttc.

The majority of people who do know about our problems with ttc are my friends and my family. I suppose it is a woman thing, we like to talk and we like to share problems and get advice. There are a small number of friends who know because they have been through it themselves. Then there are the friends who have families and know because there was the question of whether we were trying for a family, replying two and a half years ago that we were ttc means that they know but may not know all the details.


Then there's the family. I told my sister because we are very close and we share everything. I didn't mention anything to my parents until I went to the doctors and started having the blood tests (about a year ago). My parents live in the same village as us, go to the same doctors and knew that I was going on a regular basis so my mum asked what was wrong. I told her. The moment I told her I wished I could take it back. The main reason was her response, she said that all we probably needed to do was relax. My own mother said that! I couldn't believe it. I know that she meant well and that she just didn't know what to say for the best, but really.

Another year on and I'm really starting to wish that I hadn't told so many people. I know that it is good to have the support of those around you but I think that most of the time they don't know how to deal with it or what to say. They just don't seem to get it.

One cylinder

It looks like I am only firing with one cylinder. The HSG results showed that no dye passed through my left tube. I am booked in for a laparoscopy in January.

Our chances of conceiving naturally are slowly diminishing, what with poor morphology and the possibility of only one tube working, things are going from bad to worse.

Hospital appointment #2

Tomorrow we are back at the IF clinic. I'm really not looking forward to it. D asked me last night what to expect. I'm not sure what to expect. I know that we will get the results of the HSG, that we will be told whether I need a laparoscopy.

I am expecting to be told that the NHS does not fund assisted conception and so, as a precaution, I have printed off information that states that they do. It's a case of, if we go in expecting the worst....

I'll be glad when tomorrow is out the way as we should hopefully have an idea of where we are heading.

8

It's our 8th wedding anniversary today so I thought that I would post a bit about our life together (so far):

I was 25 when we married. At the time of our marriage I was living in the South of England and D was living in the North of England. We had spent two years doing a long distance relationship and then, one day, we decided enough was enough, we couldn't face another winter of travelling.

It wasn't the only reason we decided to get married. Our relationship was at the stage where we needed to either take it to the next level or part. So, we decided to take it up two levels and managed to arrange our wedding within 6 months. In November 2000 I handed my notice in at work, got married, packed up all my belongings, jumped in a car with my new husband and moved to the other side of the country. I had no job and I knew no one (except the in-laws). Looking back, it was a very stressful time. I put on a lot of weight and D and I struggled to adjust to our new life.

I managed to get some work about 6 months after relocating. I got my first permanent position in 2001 and then in December 2002 I finally got a qualified position and I have been doing the same job ever since.

It was definitely the hardest time in my life - getting married, giving up a job I loved, moving across the country and living with my husband for the first time. Things could have turned out so very different, we took quite a gamble in getting married before living together. I don't think we would still be together if we had just moved in with each other, without a ring on my finger, a certificate and the vowels we shared it would have been so much easier to walk away when the going got tough.

Today, I love my husband more than ever, I am truly grateful that we have spent the last 8 years together and I hope we get to share many more.