Deja vu

Yesterday I was back at the doctors for my day 3 blood test. They are still waiting to hear from the neighbouring PCT as to whether there is money available for IVF. I'm hoping that they will have had a response by the time I go for my day 21 blood test.

At the moment I feel like we are in limbo. I'm currently getting my blood tests done at the doctors (to save money and journey to expensive private clinic) and I also need to get us an appointment at a g.um clinic to get all the STI tests done (currently putting this off because I have a fear that I will discover that I have some awful STI). Where we go from there depends on what the neighbouring PCT says about funding and just how long the waiting list is. If there is funding and the waiting list isn't too long we will wait (yep, yet more waiting) for NHS funding. If there is no funding or the waiting list is mega long we will phone the consultant to get referred. We're hoping that all of the above will give us a few months to save some money for treatment, although I am still looking at going down the egg sharing route.

I'm really stressed today because my dad is at the hospital. His dentist noticed a rash that could be cancerous so he has been referred to the hospital (within two weeks of it being spotted). I spoke to him last night and asked him if he thought that he would get the results today, he said that he hoped so because he couldn't go on for much longer. I really felt for him because he is obviously very worried but I honestly don't think that he will get the results today. Anyway, fingers crossed that everything is OK.

On a lighter note, I'm off to London tomorrow to see T.ake That. I'm very excited. In all the years that I have been a fan I have never seen them in concert. I was an extra in G.ary Barlow's video for Open Road and spoke to and had my picture taken with the man but this is a first for a concert. It'll also be good to catch up with my Uni friends (the two who had babies recently and the one that is now pregnant) and to meet the new additions to their family.

Dog with a bone

After spending ages writing a post about my experience at the doctors I realised that I had already told you all about it. Seems like I am definitely going crazy. So, I've rehashed the post to just include the bits that are new.

I feel like I am climbing a bit of a mountain at the moment. After my hospital appointment I was mad with the PCT so I emailed and asked, under the F.reedom of Information (FOI) Act, information on funding for IVF for the current financial year and information on the current waiting list. On Monday I received a response. It would seem that my PCT, the PCT that has told me twice that there is no funding for IVF has actually allocated £64,000 this financial year for IVF and that there is currently no waiting list. Now, I'm not naive, I know that just because funding has been allocated does not automatically guarantee that it is available. It may already be allocated but, the fact that they have said that there is no funding, thank you and goodbye has really pissed me off.

What about -

"There's currently no money available but we will put you on a waiting list to be considered at a later date"

OR

"There is funding but it is currently being spent on the existing waiting list"

OR EVEN

"We are not able to add you to the waiting list but if you phone us in 6 months things may have changed"

Nope, none of that. Just a very definite -

"Fuck off - we can't help you"

I'm that pissed off that I have written a letter of complaint to the PCT. In the letter I include the information obtained from the FOI Act as well as other documentation obtained from committee minutes and a recently published survey of IVF provision in England which all state, in writing, that there has been and still is funding (oh, but apparently you have to be 39+ to receive it).

Nothing is ever easy.

And another thing

Yesterday, whilst talking to my lovely doctor I realised a very big mistake that I had made at my initial appointment with the consultant. Get a copy of all the letters that the hospital sends to your GP.

I saw a couple of the letters that had been sent to my doctor yesterday and, for the first time, it stated that we are dealing with MFI. Yes, MALE FACTOR INFERTILITY.

I so could have done with receiving that letter when it was sent. Maybe then the husband would have accepted this by now.

Still, you live and learn and infertility is definitely a very BIG learning curve in more ways than one.

Very small steps

Yesterday I went back to my doctor. I wanted to talk to her about the NHS funding issue as it had been her who had originally informed me that there was funding, that we met the criteria and that she would refer me to the consultant. My doctor is lovely, she really takes the time to listen and yesterday was no exception. I didn't think that she would be able to help with the NHS funding issue I mainly went because I wanted to know what my FSH levels had been in January 08. Egg sharing requires that you meet certain criteria and having FSH levels less than 8.0 IU/I is one of them. My FSH levels from January 08 was 7.8.

Whilst talking to the doctor it emerged that the practice that I am registered at actually comes under the neighbouring primary care trust (PCT) so there is the possibility that there may be funding with them. The lovely doctor is going to look into it and, if there is, she is going to recommend that we are considered for funding. Although this is good news it does raise a number of issues that we will now have to consider, these include:

1. The timescale of the possibility of NHS funding - it will take at least 6 weeks for a panel to decide whether D and I can be given fertility treatment on the NHS.
2. The waiting list for NHS fertility treatment - if we are approved we will be placed on a waiting list. The length of time on a waiting list could range from 6 months (who am I kidding) to 2 years (probably more like it).
3. Age - I've recently turned 34 so we have just under two years to go down the egg sharing road (which dramatically reduces the cost of IVF) because you have to be under 36.
4. We have said that we will have two attempts at this and then walk away. If we wait for the NHS funding I will be too old to be able to do egg sharing so the second attempt (yes, I'm talking second attempts because I really don't believe that it will work for us first time) will be a full paid attempt.
5. If we go down the egg sharing route but it doesn't work, will we still be eligible for NHS funding?

OK, I'm starting to send myself a little stir crazy now. There is just so much to consider. I hate situations like this. I know that it is a good thing that we may still be able to get funding for this but, part of me just wants to get on with it now. I had got it in to my head that we would be doing some form of treatment before the end of the year and if we wait for the NHS to make the decision and then plonk us on a waiting list we will be lucky if it is next year.

Of course, the husband is so laid back about it he is almost horizontal. He is still hoping that we will conceive naturally so the longer it takes us to have treatment the better. I am trying not to push him but I am getting very impatient. Three years is long enough.

So, I'm getting my blood work done again at the doctors which will save us some money and time if we go down the private/egg sharing route. This is going to take up the next three cycles. We have decided which clinic we will go with. I have requested an information pack from the clinic. The doctor is going to find out whether there is a chance of NHS funding. I'm going to try and and not stress about it (which is easier said than done).

My husband is currently visiting Mars

My husband can be very odd at times. Just when I begin to relax and think that he is with me on this, that he gets it, that he has accepted our next course of action, he becomes a total pain in the arse.

It would seem that the husband thought that us going on a NHS waiting list for assisted conception would give us at least another year of trying for a baby the good old fashioned way. Here's how I know (our conversation last Thursday):

Me: Our holiday in November is going to have to be a cheap one (said in my head: because of the need to save for IVF).
Him: It always was only going to be a cheap one. We can't afford to go to the Maldives.
Me: I know we can't afford the Maldives but what I am saying is that we need to get a holiday as cheap as possible.

PAUSE

Me: Anyway, I could be pregnant come November if we do IVF over the next few months.
Him: You could be pregnant in November by conceiving naturally.
Me: Yes, I could be pregnant in November from conceiving naturally (said in my head: but is it really likely? No, because we have been trying it that way for over three years now. You are clearly not with me on this as much as I thought).

So, the husband is still not quite there with the whole being referred to a clinic for assisted conception yet.

When will he accept it? He makes me feel guilty for thinking and talking about assisted conception. I have tried to explain to him that I would love to be surprised by a natural conception but I'm certainly not going to waste another three years of my life, on the off chance that it will happen.

Anyway, the husband is away this week on a male biking holiday (not in Mars), I only hope that he takes this week to think, and get his head around, the whole assisted conception thing.

WFI - I'm not ignoring your questions and concerns over egg sharing but I need a bit more time to read up on the process before I ponder it.

The aftermath

Throughout this journey I have always been grateful for the NHS. There are so many accounts from American IF bloggers who, if not insured, have had to find the funding for their IF treatment. In fact I have always found it quite scary to hear just how much money people have invested in trying to have a baby. In the UK we really are very lucky, (hark at me, not a bitter bone in my body!) although I could have done with being a bit luckier (and actually got some funding!).

Our My plan (if things got to the assisted conception stage) was to have a free go on the NHS and then when if that didn't work we would fund our second (and last) attempt by hopefully going down the egg sharing route (which is cheaper). I'm not concerned about sharing my eggs, in fact I quite like the thought that my eggs may be helping another couple conceive. My only concern with egg sharing is whether I will produce enough and whether they will be of good quality.

Anyway, I'm digressing. Let's get back to the money issue. I'm crap with money. I've never saved for anything in my life. Now the husband, he is fantastic with money. He is a saver. After our hospital appointment we discussed the issue of paying for treatment and my lovely husband said that if we have to pay, we pay. Which is easy for him, as a saver. Not so easy for us as a couple. I fear that he is going to say that we are going to have to save for it. Save! Saving takes time and I want to start treatment as soon as. So now I am worried. I'm worried that we will have to stall the referral. I'm worried about how much it is all going to cost. I'm worried about how we are going to pay for it, and I'm worried that we are going to fall out over the money issue. (In case you hadn't guessed, I'm a worrier, I really do worry about everything).

This morning I worked out how much it would cost us if we were able to go down the egg sharing route and how much it would cost if we ended up having to pay for a full IVF cycle.*

It isn't an extortionate amount of money but it is more than we bargained for (before Tuesday when we were fairly smug that we would get a go on the NHS). I have a small amount of money saved up - would have had more but overspent one month! We very recently purchased a new car (which I can't part with because I absolutely adore it and, if this treatment does not work, I will need some creature comforts and joy). So that just leaves the husband's savings or, some funds from the impending house sale.

Ah! The house. Could that be the answer? I think yes. There are a couple of concerns about the house sale. The first, is that it is going to fall through (quite a biggy), the second is that we don't know exactly how much we are going to be left with (we really didn't make a killing on the sale and then there is the solicitors / estate agents fees etc.) and thirdly, we did have a plan that would have meant staying on the property ladder (sort of). Using some of the house money would change our plans on the house buying front but, at the moment, I think this is a priority. All I need to do now is convince the husband.

Blimey! Tuesday's hospital appointment has really opened up a whole new load of dilemmas which, if I am being honest with you, has left me kind of excited.

*If I don't produce enough eggs or they are not good enough we get the option to revert to a full paying cycle. We need to be prepared for this.

The end of the NHS road

It has been 18 months since I initially went to the doctors. 18 months since the doctor told us that there was funding for IF in our region and that we met the criteria.

It has been 8 months since our initial consultation at the hospital and 6 months after I had the laparoscopy and was informed that, if I did not get pregnant in the next six months, our next step would be assisted conception.

6 months of waiting, hoping and anticipating that we would be moving on to the next stage of our IF journey. 6 months of waiting to be told that, as far as the NHS are concerned, it is the end of the road for us. Of course, we can continue our journey alone and they wish us well.

I was in shock. I had done my research. I had seen documents that stated that our Primary Care Trust (PCT) would pay for one cycle of IVF to couples who meet their criteria. Crikey, I had even seen minutes from a meeting in June 2008 that said that they would focus on offering one cycle of IVF to 39+.

When I mentioned all of the above to the Registrar yesterday (obviously the consultant is too important a person to give us the brush off) she was insistent that there is no funding.

Nope kiddo, it's the end of the road for you two - but don't leave it too long to decide which clinic you want to go to because you have been trying for over three years now.

Yesterday I was distraught. I felt like they had given us hope and then, at the last minute, snatched it away. I was worried that D would definitely not want to pursue assistance if it meant that we had to find the money for it and I felt angry that they had left us hanging for six months.

So now what? Well, now we try and find the money and we go it alone. D and I talked and we are both committed to giving it a go. D isn't against it and I need to do it to get some closure, if nothing else. At the moment we can't afford it but we are going to look into the possibility of egg sharing in the hope of reducing the cost.

This morning I feel positive. I almost feel happy that we have been released from the NHS. Obviously there is the pressure of funds but, now we can decide exactly when we want to proceed with this and which routes we want to take. In saying that, I'm not going to leave it there. I am in the process of writing a letter to our PCT and I will be making an appointment at my doctors to see whether she can shed some light on it.

Crikey!

Less than 24 hours to go until our next hospital appointment.

It has been a very LOOOOOONG wait!

And, just in case I didn't think the hospital appointment was stressful enough, my period has decided to come along for the ride.

Note to self, don't cry in front of Dr Sugar as he will think that you are an over sensitive, over emotional woman who needs counselling!!