The day I nearly had a heart attack

Yesterday (Tuesday) I phoned the clinic to try and get the results of the STI tests. A machine told me that test results can only be given out on a Wednesday so I figured that was why I hadn't received my text message.

I relaxed.

Today, I nearly had a heart attack when I checked my phone and discovered that I had a text message from the clinic telling me to call them for my results. The husband didn't have this, the husband had a nice text telling him that all his results were negative.

In the three seconds that it took to read and register that text I was an emotional wreak; crying, shaking and feeling sick. This was it. I was convinced that they were going to tell me that I have HIV.

I calmed down, phoned them and was told that there was nothing to worry about. They couldn't complete all the tests because they didn't have enough blood. (I don't think I mentioned in the clap clinic post that the nurse had struggled to get two vials of blood out of me.) They have managed to test for a number of things but the two things that they couldn't test for were Hepatitis B and HIV.

Great!

I'm going to have to go back for another blood test and then I have the pleasure of waiting another week for the results.

Really, why does everything seem to be taking so long at the moment? I wanted this done and dusted but it has dragged on for nearly two weeks and is likely to drag on for longer because I can't make it to the clinic tonight.

The clap clinic experience

The Clap Clinic (also known as the Centre for Sexual Health (CSH) and, for some god awful reason, also referred to as a GUM clinic in some NHS hospitals) was where the husband and I went last Friday.

It was an interesting experience.

The husband was in a rage about the whole thing. He didn't see the point of it and was not at all happy about having to have a swob test.

Rewind back to when I made the appointment - I asked the nurse whether he would have to have a swob test (because I knew that he really didn't want to have one) and she had said that he would. Being the good wife that I am, I had warned him and told him to refuse it if he was not comfortable with it.


Men, honestly.

The atmosphere in the CSH was as laid back as I thought it would be. The radio was playing and it was all very separate from the main outpatient area. We filled in forms and then I was called into a room by a very matronly looking woman. She was scary but I stood my ground. I am a 34 year old woman and I was not going to be intimidated by her.


Matron: What are you here for?
Me: To be tested for STIs.
Matron: Why?
Me: Because my husband and I are going to be doing IVF and we need to be checked before we can go ahead.

We then went through various personal questions, below are the highlights:

Matron: How long have you been with your current partner?
Me: 11 and a half years.
Matron: Have you had sex with anybody other than your partner during this time?
Me: No.
Matron: When did you last have sex?
Me: Monday.

After my swob and blood was taken I returned to the waiting room and a very nervous looking husband. Now it was his turn. I did laugh a little to myself because I knew that he would be petrified of the matron. Whilst waiting for the husband to return two other [very young] couples entered the clinic. We were so old compared to them.

On the way back to the car we swapped stories. I asked the husband whether he had the swob test and he casually replied that he did. I knew he wouldn't refuse the matron. We discussed the questions and compared answers:

Matron: What are you here for?
The Husband: I don't know, I was told to come.
Matron: Why do you want to be tested for STIs?
The husband: Because we have to be to be able to do IVF.
Matron: How long have you been with your current partner?
The Husband: 12 and a half years.
Matron: Have you had sex with anybody other than your partner during this time?
The Husband: No.
Matron: When did you last have sex?
The Husband: Wednesday.

To be fair, the husband was right on the sex question, I had completely forgotten about that which is obviously no reflection on the performance.

The results will be texted to us in a week.

STI tests

Lets be frank here, I'm not saying that I was a complete slut when I was younger BUT, and yes that is a very big but, I did have a number [that I don't wish to share with civilised IF bloggers] of [unprotected] sexual encounters with [dodgy] men who could [alarmingly] have been candidates for carrying some nasty STI.

At the time I was young and free and HIV and aids wasn't such a big deal. It is no excuse and I regret it. I know that I was stupid and I have often thought, and told the husband, that we should get tested but, well some things just get left on the back burner until you are forced to face them.

And face them we will. This Friday, although to be exact it will probably be a week Friday because it takes a week to get HIV results back. Yes, I've finally got round to booking us into the Sexual Health Clinic where we will be checked for hepatitis, chlamydia and, most frighteningly of all, HIV. I'm pretty sure that I haven't got chlamydia because they tested me when I first went to the infertility clinic, hepatitis is obviously a worry but I am petrified of HIV. Believe it or not, I have shared this concern with family (my sister whom I tell everything) and friends (work colleagues who know that I am insane and so don't bat an eyelid when I vocalise such concerns) but I believe there is a real possibility that I could have it. Is it just me? Has anybody else had such fears?

Brick wall

photo by Per Foreby shared under the Creative Commons Licensing

It seems that everything that I plan at the moment just hits a brick wall. Yesterday I went back to my doctors for my day 21 blood test. When I walked into the nurse's room I asked her if there was any news. I meant any news on whether the neighbouring PCT would fund us but she thought I meant the result of my day 3 blood test. She informed me that the results were back and that they were absolutely fine. I asked her the FSH level and she told me....8.8.

CCCCCCCCRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!

8.8, it can't be 8.8, it needs to be under 8 for me to be considered on the egg sharing programme.

This isn't crap, this is really fucking shit. I was relying on this route. I had it all planned in my head. This whole crappy infertility thing would have be so much easier to take if we had only paid a couple of thousand of pounds rather than 5-10 thousand to maybe have a baby.

And then, if that wasn't enough crap news I asked her if they had heard from the PCT about funding. She checked my records and said that they hadn't heard about our outcome yet but that she knows that the practice referred four couples and they have received two rejections. So, things aren't looking too good on that front either.

Really, I have just had enough. How many more brick walls are we going to have to hit? Where do we go from here? Well, I'm really not holding out any hope of getting funding from the PCT. I will continue to have my blood tests done (two more cycles), I will book us in to get our STI tests done and then I suppose I will need to make the phone call to the consultant's secretary to request a referral. Then, I suppose we head into the very expensive world of infertility treatment.

Deja vu

Yesterday I was back at the doctors for my day 3 blood test. They are still waiting to hear from the neighbouring PCT as to whether there is money available for IVF. I'm hoping that they will have had a response by the time I go for my day 21 blood test.

At the moment I feel like we are in limbo. I'm currently getting my blood tests done at the doctors (to save money and journey to expensive private clinic) and I also need to get us an appointment at a g.um clinic to get all the STI tests done (currently putting this off because I have a fear that I will discover that I have some awful STI). Where we go from there depends on what the neighbouring PCT says about funding and just how long the waiting list is. If there is funding and the waiting list isn't too long we will wait (yep, yet more waiting) for NHS funding. If there is no funding or the waiting list is mega long we will phone the consultant to get referred. We're hoping that all of the above will give us a few months to save some money for treatment, although I am still looking at going down the egg sharing route.

I'm really stressed today because my dad is at the hospital. His dentist noticed a rash that could be cancerous so he has been referred to the hospital (within two weeks of it being spotted). I spoke to him last night and asked him if he thought that he would get the results today, he said that he hoped so because he couldn't go on for much longer. I really felt for him because he is obviously very worried but I honestly don't think that he will get the results today. Anyway, fingers crossed that everything is OK.

On a lighter note, I'm off to London tomorrow to see T.ake That. I'm very excited. In all the years that I have been a fan I have never seen them in concert. I was an extra in G.ary Barlow's video for Open Road and spoke to and had my picture taken with the man but this is a first for a concert. It'll also be good to catch up with my Uni friends (the two who had babies recently and the one that is now pregnant) and to meet the new additions to their family.