I was just beginning to think how low BFP announcements had been in the IF blogsphere when Chicklet goes and lays a big surprise.
Go Chicklet!
I have been following your blog for a long time now and I am so happy and excited for you. Really hoping that this is your time and that everything is alright. You rock!
Sunday, 15 March 2009
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
Babies, babies everywhere
I WILL REMAIN POSITIVE. I WILL NOT LET PMT TAKE CONTROL OF MY MIND AND BODY. I WILL REMAIN POSITIVE. I WILL NOT LET PMT TAKE CONTROL OF MY MIND AND BODY.
The weekend wasn’t so hard and, at the moment, the mood swings and stomach craps are bearable. Life is so cruel though, if it isn’t bad enough that you have to fight against a depression every day it decides to chuck yet another pregnancy announcement at you. Another unexpected pregnancy announcement. Surely this will get better. I just need friends and colleagues to get beyond the procreation stage. I WILL REMAIN POSITIVE. I have to remain positive for my own sanity.
Anyway, I digress. The weekend spent with two 8 month pregnant friends (whose due dates are literally days apart which was, believe it or not, the same with their first pregnancy) and a friend who has been trying to conceive baby number two since May last year was OK. I went away with the mindset that these poor friends would not be able to do anything right and, although there was a couple of sticky moments when I felt a tad uncomfortable, it felt good to catch up with them. The two uncomfortable moments came when we were talking about finding out the sex of the babies and one of them asked me whether I would find out the sex of my baby. I nearly choked when she asked me and I really didn’t want to answer because I’m trying to get into the mindset that this isn’t going to happen for us. Of course I answered and I also answered the second question about baby names. To be honest with you, it was good to be included in the conversation, I’m sure I would have been more unhappy if they hadn’t asked me. They also asked me a lot about where we are, in terms of doctor’s appointments / treatment etc as well as how the HSG and laparoscopy went. So, all in all, it was OK.
If you hadn’t already gathered, I am approaching another cycle and although it is very much in the forefront of my mind, I am trying to take a step back from the whole cycle thing. I have been so weighed down by my cycle. I spend the week before I am due dreading the arrival of a period that will make me feel so ill and unhappy so this month I am fighting back.
The weekend wasn’t so hard and, at the moment, the mood swings and stomach craps are bearable. Life is so cruel though, if it isn’t bad enough that you have to fight against a depression every day it decides to chuck yet another pregnancy announcement at you. Another unexpected pregnancy announcement. Surely this will get better. I just need friends and colleagues to get beyond the procreation stage. I WILL REMAIN POSITIVE. I have to remain positive for my own sanity.
Anyway, I digress. The weekend spent with two 8 month pregnant friends (whose due dates are literally days apart which was, believe it or not, the same with their first pregnancy) and a friend who has been trying to conceive baby number two since May last year was OK. I went away with the mindset that these poor friends would not be able to do anything right and, although there was a couple of sticky moments when I felt a tad uncomfortable, it felt good to catch up with them. The two uncomfortable moments came when we were talking about finding out the sex of the babies and one of them asked me whether I would find out the sex of my baby. I nearly choked when she asked me and I really didn’t want to answer because I’m trying to get into the mindset that this isn’t going to happen for us. Of course I answered and I also answered the second question about baby names. To be honest with you, it was good to be included in the conversation, I’m sure I would have been more unhappy if they hadn’t asked me. They also asked me a lot about where we are, in terms of doctor’s appointments / treatment etc as well as how the HSG and laparoscopy went. So, all in all, it was OK.
If you hadn’t already gathered, I am approaching another cycle and although it is very much in the forefront of my mind, I am trying to take a step back from the whole cycle thing. I have been so weighed down by my cycle. I spend the week before I am due dreading the arrival of a period that will make me feel so ill and unhappy so this month I am fighting back.
Wednesday, 4 March 2009
Turning a corner
After talking to a couple of people I have come to realise that, over the past few weeks, I have been suffering from anxiety and possibly a bit of depression. I hadn’t really been all that aware that I was letting things get to me quite as much as they were.
I think last weekend was the turning point. Following the last post, where I laid on the table my concerns about assisted conception (AS), I have tried to approach our IF from a different angle. Whilst it is extremely unlikely that we will not go down the route of AC, as my desire for a family is far greater than any fear that I may have about AC, I am beginning to think beyond all this and to the life that we may end up living. I’m sure that our life, after ttc, will have it moments but I am in no doubt that we will accept the outcome. I know that there is a life for us beyond this and whilst I will continue to document our journey I feel like I need to re-adjust my focus from the ‘what if’ scenario to the living for now. I have spent three years of my life obsessing about having a family so now I think it is time to focus on something else, and that something else is the something that has often been neglected in all of this, us.
I’m shocked at how positive I sound in this post, I only hope that this mood remains for as long as the depressive state that has recently been ruling the roost.
The test for all of this will be this weekend as I am meeting up with three university friends (two of which are seven months pregnant) and one that is trying for baby number two. The timing of the meeting is rotten as I will have PMT but I am determined not to let any of this get to me although the proof will be in the post I write next week!
I think last weekend was the turning point. Following the last post, where I laid on the table my concerns about assisted conception (AS), I have tried to approach our IF from a different angle. Whilst it is extremely unlikely that we will not go down the route of AC, as my desire for a family is far greater than any fear that I may have about AC, I am beginning to think beyond all this and to the life that we may end up living. I’m sure that our life, after ttc, will have it moments but I am in no doubt that we will accept the outcome. I know that there is a life for us beyond this and whilst I will continue to document our journey I feel like I need to re-adjust my focus from the ‘what if’ scenario to the living for now. I have spent three years of my life obsessing about having a family so now I think it is time to focus on something else, and that something else is the something that has often been neglected in all of this, us.
I’m shocked at how positive I sound in this post, I only hope that this mood remains for as long as the depressive state that has recently been ruling the roost.
The test for all of this will be this weekend as I am meeting up with three university friends (two of which are seven months pregnant) and one that is trying for baby number two. The timing of the meeting is rotten as I will have PMT but I am determined not to let any of this get to me although the proof will be in the post I write next week!
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