Today I am very excited. Yesterday I was really pissed off and stressed. Here's why...
Yesterday I phoned the Practice Manager (for what it was worth) to ask what happens next. Not a difficult question but one that she, apparently, has never been asked before. After a lengthy discussion it was left that I would contact the consultant's PA to get the referral letter sent to the clinic of our choice. I wasn't entirely convinced that this was the route to take as, how would the clinic know that my IVF is being funded by the NHS? I did ask her this question but she seemed adamant that the ball was in my court.
Today I emailed (I couldn't face phoning) the woman from the PCT, who had sent the letter, to ask her the following questions:
What happens next?
Do I or my doctors need to do anything?
Has my name been added to a waiting list?
How long is that waiting list?
Amazingly I got a response within a couple of hours that kind of answers all my questions and has made me very excited. My GP needs to refer us to the clinic of our choice, along with the letter of approval from the PCT then, the clinic will contact us as soon as possible to arrange our first appointment.
She advised me to make an appointment with my GP to discuss the above. I've got an appointment tomorrow morning (again this is amazing because you usually have to book about two weeks in advance to see my doctor).
I'm so excited because, to me, it sounds like there is no waiting list and that we will receive treatment pretty much as soon as the clinic can fit us in. I really, really hope that this is the case. I had it in my head that we would be waiting at least a year to receive treatment. Things feel pretty good at the moment. Let's hope that the doctors appointment goes as well tomorrow.
Thursday, 26 November 2009
Tuesday, 24 November 2009
Wishing I had kept my big mouth shut
I never really thought that long and hard about whether to tell people about our infertility or not. For the majority I think it kind of just happened.
I don't mind my University friends knowing. They are now all mothers but there was a time when it was hot conversation because we were all trying. We were all trying, they fell pregnant, I was still trying, they had their first babies, I was still trying, they had their second babies. Now they are so busy with their family that they don't tend to make contact much so I can cope with that. In addition to that they live quite far away so I don't see them all that often.
D's family don't know a great deal about our situation so there is no real problem there.
The problem is my family. My sister has known from day dot because we are like twins, we share everything. My other sister, I don't talk to her unless I have to. How much does she know about my infertility? Probably everything that my mum knows because she will not have been able to keep it to herself. My mum would have also told her friends and her sisters, I am pretty sure of that. My mum only knows about the last year or so. I can't quite remember how it all came about with telling her but she is one person that I wish I hadn't told. I don't mean that in a horrible way and she hasn't done anything to make me feel this way, it's just me, I'm finding the whole thing really uncomfortable and a tiny bit suffocating.I think I mentioned it in passing one day and she told me that her and my dad had assumed that D and I had decided not to have children. After that there was always questions about doctors appointments, hospital appointments etc. My doctors is in their village so it is very difficult to do appointments without being seen by somebody.
I know that I sound ungrateful and that I should be thankful that I have the support of my family. I can't help the way I feel. D and I are quite private people and I really don't want anybody, bar my sister and friend at work, knowing when we are doing IVF. I just don't think that I will be able to cope with all the attention, questions, tears etc. I'm thinking that I will tell them that the waiting list is longer than what it is and just not saying anything when we do get the go ahead. Is that mean of me? I feel mean but I have to think about my sanity.
I don't mind my University friends knowing. They are now all mothers but there was a time when it was hot conversation because we were all trying. We were all trying, they fell pregnant, I was still trying, they had their first babies, I was still trying, they had their second babies. Now they are so busy with their family that they don't tend to make contact much so I can cope with that. In addition to that they live quite far away so I don't see them all that often.
D's family don't know a great deal about our situation so there is no real problem there.
The problem is my family. My sister has known from day dot because we are like twins, we share everything. My other sister, I don't talk to her unless I have to. How much does she know about my infertility? Probably everything that my mum knows because she will not have been able to keep it to herself. My mum would have also told her friends and her sisters, I am pretty sure of that. My mum only knows about the last year or so. I can't quite remember how it all came about with telling her but she is one person that I wish I hadn't told. I don't mean that in a horrible way and she hasn't done anything to make me feel this way, it's just me, I'm finding the whole thing really uncomfortable and a tiny bit suffocating.I think I mentioned it in passing one day and she told me that her and my dad had assumed that D and I had decided not to have children. After that there was always questions about doctors appointments, hospital appointments etc. My doctors is in their village so it is very difficult to do appointments without being seen by somebody.
I know that I sound ungrateful and that I should be thankful that I have the support of my family. I can't help the way I feel. D and I are quite private people and I really don't want anybody, bar my sister and friend at work, knowing when we are doing IVF. I just don't think that I will be able to cope with all the attention, questions, tears etc. I'm thinking that I will tell them that the waiting list is longer than what it is and just not saying anything when we do get the go ahead. Is that mean of me? I feel mean but I have to think about my sanity.
Monday, 23 November 2009
The letter is in...
It was waiting for me when I got home on Friday.
We have been approved for one cycle of IVF/ICSI on the NHS. I am so excited.
Not sure where we go from here. I think I will now have to phone the doctors to see what happens next. It would have been so much easier if they had included that in the letter. I'm desperate to know what the waiting list is like, are we talking 6 months, a year?! Please don't let it be longer than a year!
D and I opened a bottle of Champagne to celebrate, it felt good to finally be taking a step forward. This whole year has been a waiting game, we have been waiting for a decision on funding since June and I was beginning to go slightly crazy.
Some good news at last.
We have been approved for one cycle of IVF/ICSI on the NHS. I am so excited.
Not sure where we go from here. I think I will now have to phone the doctors to see what happens next. It would have been so much easier if they had included that in the letter. I'm desperate to know what the waiting list is like, are we talking 6 months, a year?! Please don't let it be longer than a year!
D and I opened a bottle of Champagne to celebrate, it felt good to finally be taking a step forward. This whole year has been a waiting game, we have been waiting for a decision on funding since June and I was beginning to go slightly crazy.
Some good news at last.
Thursday, 19 November 2009
A break
I'm back from a two week break abroad.
Although the holiday was needed, appreciated and enjoyed it gave me lots of time to think. In fact, it gave me too much time. I spent a lot of time thinking about not being pregnant, not being able to get pregnant, whether my friend (who was due with her second child whilst we were away) was in labour, my friend's news that she had had a baby boy, how our holiday would be if we had a child with us, not hearing from the PCT, convincing myself that there would be a letter waiting for us from the PCT on our return and how much I just want to get on and start IVF. So, the holiday was a relaxing break from work, life, commitments but it was not a break from infertility.
Owing to the over thinking on the infertility side I have come back to England exhausted by the whole ttc process. To top it off, it is cold, wet and windy in England and, as expected, we didn't have that elusive letter waiting for us.
So we continue to wait and I am being a total chicken about phoning the doctors again. I can't believe how many times I have called to chase this. The last phone call I had with the doctors was just before we went away. I was so distracted by the attitude that was coming through the practice managers tone of voice that I can't remember how we left it. Was I meant to call when I got back off holiday? No, I think she was meant to call if she had any news. No phonecall, no news? I know I should call them but every day I think today is the day that the letter will arrive.
It is driving me insane.
Although the holiday was needed, appreciated and enjoyed it gave me lots of time to think. In fact, it gave me too much time. I spent a lot of time thinking about not being pregnant, not being able to get pregnant, whether my friend (who was due with her second child whilst we were away) was in labour, my friend's news that she had had a baby boy, how our holiday would be if we had a child with us, not hearing from the PCT, convincing myself that there would be a letter waiting for us from the PCT on our return and how much I just want to get on and start IVF. So, the holiday was a relaxing break from work, life, commitments but it was not a break from infertility.
Owing to the over thinking on the infertility side I have come back to England exhausted by the whole ttc process. To top it off, it is cold, wet and windy in England and, as expected, we didn't have that elusive letter waiting for us.
So we continue to wait and I am being a total chicken about phoning the doctors again. I can't believe how many times I have called to chase this. The last phone call I had with the doctors was just before we went away. I was so distracted by the attitude that was coming through the practice managers tone of voice that I can't remember how we left it. Was I meant to call when I got back off holiday? No, I think she was meant to call if she had any news. No phonecall, no news? I know I should call them but every day I think today is the day that the letter will arrive.
It is driving me insane.
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