Last night I went to the cinema to see the Time Traveller's Wife. I've read the book, which I thought was great and the film was equally as good. I went with my book group, well four members of the book group. I had had a stinker of a day. My head had been pounding since three and all I really wanted to do with go home to bed.
Anyway, the point of my post is this - in the book/film they struggle to have a baby and, after numerous miscarriages, Henry (the time traveller) decides to have a vasectomy. He doesn't want to put his wife through any more miscarriages and he is worried that they are putting her life at risk. He doesn't tell her about the vasectomy until after he has had it. Luckily for her, Henry is a time traveller so, when she goes to meet a younger him who has time travelled to the future they end up having sex and she ends up conceiving.
At this point my friend turns to me and says something. I didn't quite catch it so I asked her to repeat it. She said it again and, although I didn't quite catch it again, I got the gist of it and was not particularly happy.
When the film ended she turned to me and said that she had said during the film....
"If only you could do that and go back to when D's sperm was better quality" and then laughed.
I'm hoping that my face conveyed what I was feeling. I just stared at her and then turned away but what I wanted to say was:
"I'm sorry, was that meant to be funny?! When did it become acceptable to laugh at the fact that we can't have children? Do you find it funny that we are going to have to pay a lot of money to have a chance of having a baby?"
But of course I didn't. I chickened out. Did she know that she had upset me? I doubt it.
Am I in the wrong? Am I being too sensitive? I'm starting to think that I have told too many people what is going on in our life. Not one of them truly understand and I am getting sick of talking to people who just don't get it. If there was one thing that I could change about this whole shit situation, it would be that I had kept my gob shut.
Tuesday, 25 August 2009
Wednesday, 19 August 2009
The day I nearly had a heart attack
Yesterday (Tuesday) I phoned the clinic to try and get the results of the STI tests. A machine told me that test results can only be given out on a Wednesday so I figured that was why I hadn't received my text message.
I relaxed.
Today, I nearly had a heart attack when I checked my phone and discovered that I had a text message from the clinic telling me to call them for my results. The husband didn't have this, the husband had a nice text telling him that all his results were negative.
In the three seconds that it took to read and register that text I was an emotional wreak; crying, shaking and feeling sick. This was it. I was convinced that they were going to tell me that I have HIV.
I calmed down, phoned them and was told that there was nothing to worry about. They couldn't complete all the tests because they didn't have enough blood. (I don't think I mentioned in the clap clinic post that the nurse had struggled to get two vials of blood out of me.) They have managed to test for a number of things but the two things that they couldn't test for were Hepatitis B and HIV.
Great!
I'm going to have to go back for another blood test and then I have the pleasure of waiting another week for the results.
Really, why does everything seem to be taking so long at the moment? I wanted this done and dusted but it has dragged on for nearly two weeks and is likely to drag on for longer because I can't make it to the clinic tonight.
I relaxed.
Today, I nearly had a heart attack when I checked my phone and discovered that I had a text message from the clinic telling me to call them for my results. The husband didn't have this, the husband had a nice text telling him that all his results were negative.
In the three seconds that it took to read and register that text I was an emotional wreak; crying, shaking and feeling sick. This was it. I was convinced that they were going to tell me that I have HIV.
I calmed down, phoned them and was told that there was nothing to worry about. They couldn't complete all the tests because they didn't have enough blood. (I don't think I mentioned in the clap clinic post that the nurse had struggled to get two vials of blood out of me.) They have managed to test for a number of things but the two things that they couldn't test for were Hepatitis B and HIV.
Great!
I'm going to have to go back for another blood test and then I have the pleasure of waiting another week for the results.
Really, why does everything seem to be taking so long at the moment? I wanted this done and dusted but it has dragged on for nearly two weeks and is likely to drag on for longer because I can't make it to the clinic tonight.
Friday, 14 August 2009
No news is good news?
The husband got a text message on Wednesday saying that his results are negative.
I'm still waiting....
I'm still waiting....
Thursday, 13 August 2009
The clap clinic experience
The Clap Clinic (also known as the Centre for Sexual Health (CSH) and, for some god awful reason, also referred to as a GUM clinic in some NHS hospitals) was where the husband and I went last Friday.
It was an interesting experience.
The husband was in a rage about the whole thing. He didn't see the point of it and was not at all happy about having to have a swob test.
Rewind back to when I made the appointment - I asked the nurse whether he would have to have a swob test (because I knew that he really didn't want to have one) and she had said that he would. Being the good wife that I am, I had warned him and told him to refuse it if he was not comfortable with it.
Men, honestly.
The atmosphere in the CSH was as laid back as I thought it would be. The radio was playing and it was all very separate from the main outpatient area. We filled in forms and then I was called into a room by a very matronly looking woman. She was scary but I stood my ground. I am a 34 year old woman and I was not going to be intimidated by her.
Matron: What are you here for?
Me: To be tested for STIs.
Matron: Why?
Me: Because my husband and I are going to be doing IVF and we need to be checked before we can go ahead.
We then went through various personal questions, below are the highlights:
Matron: How long have you been with your current partner?
Me: 11 and a half years.
Matron: Have you had sex with anybody other than your partner during this time?
Me: No.
Matron: When did you last have sex?
Me: Monday.
After my swob and blood was taken I returned to the waiting room and a very nervous looking husband. Now it was his turn. I did laugh a little to myself because I knew that he would be petrified of the matron. Whilst waiting for the husband to return two other [very young] couples entered the clinic. We were so old compared to them.
On the way back to the car we swapped stories. I asked the husband whether he had the swob test and he casually replied that he did. I knew he wouldn't refuse the matron. We discussed the questions and compared answers:
Matron: What are you here for?
The Husband: I don't know, I was told to come.
Matron: Why do you want to be tested for STIs?
The husband: Because we have to be to be able to do IVF.
Matron: How long have you been with your current partner?
The Husband: 12 and a half years.
Matron: Have you had sex with anybody other than your partner during this time?
The Husband: No.
Matron: When did you last have sex?
The Husband: Wednesday.
To be fair, the husband was right on the sex question, I had completely forgotten about that which is obviously no reflection on the performance.
The results will be texted to us in a week.
It was an interesting experience.
The husband was in a rage about the whole thing. He didn't see the point of it and was not at all happy about having to have a swob test.
Rewind back to when I made the appointment - I asked the nurse whether he would have to have a swob test (because I knew that he really didn't want to have one) and she had said that he would. Being the good wife that I am, I had warned him and told him to refuse it if he was not comfortable with it.
Men, honestly.
The atmosphere in the CSH was as laid back as I thought it would be. The radio was playing and it was all very separate from the main outpatient area. We filled in forms and then I was called into a room by a very matronly looking woman. She was scary but I stood my ground. I am a 34 year old woman and I was not going to be intimidated by her.
Matron: What are you here for?
Me: To be tested for STIs.
Matron: Why?
Me: Because my husband and I are going to be doing IVF and we need to be checked before we can go ahead.
We then went through various personal questions, below are the highlights:
Matron: How long have you been with your current partner?
Me: 11 and a half years.
Matron: Have you had sex with anybody other than your partner during this time?
Me: No.
Matron: When did you last have sex?
Me: Monday.
After my swob and blood was taken I returned to the waiting room and a very nervous looking husband. Now it was his turn. I did laugh a little to myself because I knew that he would be petrified of the matron. Whilst waiting for the husband to return two other [very young] couples entered the clinic. We were so old compared to them.
On the way back to the car we swapped stories. I asked the husband whether he had the swob test and he casually replied that he did. I knew he wouldn't refuse the matron. We discussed the questions and compared answers:
Matron: What are you here for?
The Husband: I don't know, I was told to come.
Matron: Why do you want to be tested for STIs?
The husband: Because we have to be to be able to do IVF.
Matron: How long have you been with your current partner?
The Husband: 12 and a half years.
Matron: Have you had sex with anybody other than your partner during this time?
The Husband: No.
Matron: When did you last have sex?
The Husband: Wednesday.
To be fair, the husband was right on the sex question, I had completely forgotten about that which is obviously no reflection on the performance.
The results will be texted to us in a week.
Tuesday, 11 August 2009
Blog award - really, me?
I have a blog award, thanks Rambler from My World, My Ramblings. Whilst not a biggy to the fantastic bloggers in the IF blogsphere, this is definitely a biggy to me.
The rules:
Accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name of the person who has granted the award, and his or her blog link. Pass the award to 15 other blogs that you’ve newly discovered. Remember to contact the bloggers to let them know they have been chosen for this award.
I will attempt to pass the award on but I am not sure that I can come up with many bloggers who haven't already received the award. I'll give it a go, let's see how well I do.
1. Bubba at It just takes one - relax and it will happen
2. Mini Monk Maker
3. Nuts in May
I told you that I would struggle. 3 is piss poor. Sorry to not be able to carry this on but Rambler had two people on her list that I would have sent it to and the person that sent it to her would have also been on my list. I really must extend my blog roll.....
Monday, 3 August 2009
STI tests
Lets be frank here, I'm not saying that I was a complete slut when I was younger BUT, and yes that is a very big but, I did have a number [that I don't wish to share with civilised IF bloggers] of [unprotected] sexual encounters with [dodgy] men who could [alarmingly] have been candidates for carrying some nasty STI.
At the time I was young and free and HIV and aids wasn't such a big deal. It is no excuse and I regret it. I know that I was stupid and I have often thought, and told the husband, that we should get tested but, well some things just get left on the back burner until you are forced to face them.
And face them we will. This Friday, although to be exact it will probably be a week Friday because it takes a week to get HIV results back. Yes, I've finally got round to booking us into the Sexual Health Clinic where we will be checked for hepatitis, chlamydia and, most frighteningly of all, HIV. I'm pretty sure that I haven't got chlamydia because they tested me when I first went to the infertility clinic, hepatitis is obviously a worry but I am petrified of HIV. Believe it or not, I have shared this concern with family (my sister whom I tell everything) and friends (work colleagues who know that I am insane and so don't bat an eyelid when I vocalise such concerns) but I believe there is a real possibility that I could have it. Is it just me? Has anybody else had such fears?
At the time I was young and free and HIV and aids wasn't such a big deal. It is no excuse and I regret it. I know that I was stupid and I have often thought, and told the husband, that we should get tested but, well some things just get left on the back burner until you are forced to face them.
And face them we will. This Friday, although to be exact it will probably be a week Friday because it takes a week to get HIV results back. Yes, I've finally got round to booking us into the Sexual Health Clinic where we will be checked for hepatitis, chlamydia and, most frighteningly of all, HIV. I'm pretty sure that I haven't got chlamydia because they tested me when I first went to the infertility clinic, hepatitis is obviously a worry but I am petrified of HIV. Believe it or not, I have shared this concern with family (my sister whom I tell everything) and friends (work colleagues who know that I am insane and so don't bat an eyelid when I vocalise such concerns) but I believe there is a real possibility that I could have it. Is it just me? Has anybody else had such fears?
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