A very happy Secret D

Today I am very excited. Yesterday I was really pissed off and stressed. Here's why...

Yesterday I phoned the Practice Manager (for what it was worth) to ask what happens next. Not a difficult question but one that she, apparently, has never been asked before. After a lengthy discussion it was left that I would contact the consultant's PA to get the referral letter sent to the clinic of our choice. I wasn't entirely convinced that this was the route to take as, how would the clinic know that my IVF is being funded by the NHS? I did ask her this question but she seemed adamant that the ball was in my court.

Today I emailed (I couldn't face phoning) the woman from the PCT, who had sent the letter, to ask her the following questions:

What happens next?
Do I or my doctors need to do anything?
Has my name been added to a waiting list?
How long is that waiting list?

Amazingly I got a response within a couple of hours that kind of answers all my questions and has made me very excited. My GP needs to refer us to the clinic of our choice, along with the letter of approval from the PCT then, the clinic will contact us as soon as possible to arrange our first appointment.

She advised me to make an appointment with my GP to discuss the above. I've got an appointment tomorrow morning (again this is amazing because you usually have to book about two weeks in advance to see my doctor).

I'm so excited because, to me, it sounds like there is no waiting list and that we will receive treatment pretty much as soon as the clinic can fit us in. I really, really hope that this is the case. I had it in my head that we would be waiting at least a year to receive treatment. Things feel pretty good at the moment. Let's hope that the doctors appointment goes as well tomorrow.

A break

I'm back from a two week break abroad.

Although the holiday was needed, appreciated and enjoyed it gave me lots of time to think. In fact, it gave me too much time. I spent a lot of time thinking about not being pregnant, not being able to get pregnant, whether my friend (who was due with her second child whilst we were away) was in labour, my friend's news that she had had a baby boy, how our holiday would be if we had a child with us, not hearing from the PCT, convincing myself that there would be a letter waiting for us from the PCT on our return and how much I just want to get on and start IVF. So, the holiday was a relaxing break from work, life, commitments but it was not a break from infertility.

Owing to the over thinking on the infertility side I have come back to England exhausted by the whole ttc process. To top it off, it is cold, wet and windy in England and, as expected, we didn't have that elusive letter waiting for us.

So we continue to wait and I am being a total chicken about phoning the doctors again. I can't believe how many times I have called to chase this. The last phone call I had with the doctors was just before we went away. I was so distracted by the attitude that was coming through the practice managers tone of voice that I can't remember how we left it. Was I meant to call when I got back off holiday? No, I think she was meant to call if she had any news. No phonecall, no news? I know I should call them but every day I think today is the day that the letter will arrive.

It is driving me insane.

Exasperated!

Honestly, I sometimes think there is someone out there really testing my patience.

When D and I were originally referred to the hospital for further tests we discovered that the referral hadn't happened and, as a result, wasted four months. Today I phoned the doctors to see whether they had heard anything about our referral to be sponsored by the PCT for further treatment. The practice manager informed me that the time frame for referrals varied depending on when the panel met to discuss said referral. She told me that I could hear anywhere from two days all the way up to six weeks. I informed her that I was aware of this but that it had actually been 12 weeks since my referral.

I'm calling her back tomorrow afternoon to find out the results of her chase. I just know that I am going to be even more pissed off than I am today. No doubt I have not been considered and I will have just missed a panel so will have to wait another six weeks. Really, do I have a black mark against my name or am I just unlucky?! I know that I should feel lucky that a PCT may consider funding us but at this moment in time I am just so fucking frustrated with the wait. This whole year has been nothing but waiting for appointments, letters, news on whether we can get help with moving forward. There has been no real progress and I am starting to get very twitchy.

Phew! At least we hope it is Phew!

What is it with doctors? My dad went for his biopsy. When he asked the doctor when he could expect the results and where, the doctor flippantly replied "shall we say a month, you come back here?". My dad's face must have dropped because the doctor asked if there was a problem and my dad informed him that he had had 28 days of hell waiting for the biopsy and that he didn't want another 28 days of hell waiting for the results. The doctor then told him that it was nothing to worry about and my dad replied with "well how would I know that?" The doctor then realised his mistake, he had led my dad to believe that it was something serious. He told my dad that he "is almost certain that it is nothing to worry about". Now, that is good news but I am not entirely sure that I am happy with the "almost certain", it would be good to have had the results back to be 100% sure that this thing is benign. I'm not sure that a doctor's word is quite the same. He then went on to say that if they had thought that it was serious they would have had him in earlier and that the results would be back earlier.

Let's hope that the results don't come back early because the doctor's "almost certain" turns out to be wrong.