I haven't posted recently because I am sick of sounding miserable. In reality I am not that bad, or at least, I am not that bad most of the time. I suppose I shouldn't worry about sounding miserable, this is, after all an IF blog. I just needed a break, to take a step back from it all.
This month/cycle was the first time, since the laparoscopy in December, that my fertility monitor showed an egg. I was beginning to think that the lovely Al S.ugar (the name I have, belatedly, decided to give our consultant) had done something to my ovaries when he was having a rummage round. So, the mission has been on. We have given it our best shot (lots of sex) and, as a result, I was hopeful. Now, I've always got hope towards the end of a 2ww but, this month I was more than hopeful, I was convinced. Convinced that if this is going to happen for us naturally then this cycle would be our best chance.
I started spotting yesterday.
And the mad IF woman reappeared.
One side of my brain was telling me that it was game over whilst the other side whispered the words implantation bleeding. The rational side knows how unlikely that is (I'm getting all the usual PMT symptoms) but the irrational side just won't let it lie until I am hit by the inevitable flood gates.
This isn't going to be our month.
On the bright side, only 8 weeks until our next appointment.
Only! I can't believe I have written that. It feels like forever since my laparoscopy. I am so sick of waiting.
Other news, we are moving tomorrow! Finally, after living in limbo for two years we have decided enough is enough. The house is being left empty as we have had no interest in either renting or buying which isn't ideal but, I'm beyond caring. Looking forward to the move and a week off.
Showing posts with label PMT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label PMT. Show all posts
Wednesday, 8 April 2009
Tuesday, 10 March 2009
Babies, babies everywhere
I WILL REMAIN POSITIVE. I WILL NOT LET PMT TAKE CONTROL OF MY MIND AND BODY. I WILL REMAIN POSITIVE. I WILL NOT LET PMT TAKE CONTROL OF MY MIND AND BODY.
The weekend wasn’t so hard and, at the moment, the mood swings and stomach craps are bearable. Life is so cruel though, if it isn’t bad enough that you have to fight against a depression every day it decides to chuck yet another pregnancy announcement at you. Another unexpected pregnancy announcement. Surely this will get better. I just need friends and colleagues to get beyond the procreation stage. I WILL REMAIN POSITIVE. I have to remain positive for my own sanity.
Anyway, I digress. The weekend spent with two 8 month pregnant friends (whose due dates are literally days apart which was, believe it or not, the same with their first pregnancy) and a friend who has been trying to conceive baby number two since May last year was OK. I went away with the mindset that these poor friends would not be able to do anything right and, although there was a couple of sticky moments when I felt a tad uncomfortable, it felt good to catch up with them. The two uncomfortable moments came when we were talking about finding out the sex of the babies and one of them asked me whether I would find out the sex of my baby. I nearly choked when she asked me and I really didn’t want to answer because I’m trying to get into the mindset that this isn’t going to happen for us. Of course I answered and I also answered the second question about baby names. To be honest with you, it was good to be included in the conversation, I’m sure I would have been more unhappy if they hadn’t asked me. They also asked me a lot about where we are, in terms of doctor’s appointments / treatment etc as well as how the HSG and laparoscopy went. So, all in all, it was OK.
If you hadn’t already gathered, I am approaching another cycle and although it is very much in the forefront of my mind, I am trying to take a step back from the whole cycle thing. I have been so weighed down by my cycle. I spend the week before I am due dreading the arrival of a period that will make me feel so ill and unhappy so this month I am fighting back.
The weekend wasn’t so hard and, at the moment, the mood swings and stomach craps are bearable. Life is so cruel though, if it isn’t bad enough that you have to fight against a depression every day it decides to chuck yet another pregnancy announcement at you. Another unexpected pregnancy announcement. Surely this will get better. I just need friends and colleagues to get beyond the procreation stage. I WILL REMAIN POSITIVE. I have to remain positive for my own sanity.
Anyway, I digress. The weekend spent with two 8 month pregnant friends (whose due dates are literally days apart which was, believe it or not, the same with their first pregnancy) and a friend who has been trying to conceive baby number two since May last year was OK. I went away with the mindset that these poor friends would not be able to do anything right and, although there was a couple of sticky moments when I felt a tad uncomfortable, it felt good to catch up with them. The two uncomfortable moments came when we were talking about finding out the sex of the babies and one of them asked me whether I would find out the sex of my baby. I nearly choked when she asked me and I really didn’t want to answer because I’m trying to get into the mindset that this isn’t going to happen for us. Of course I answered and I also answered the second question about baby names. To be honest with you, it was good to be included in the conversation, I’m sure I would have been more unhappy if they hadn’t asked me. They also asked me a lot about where we are, in terms of doctor’s appointments / treatment etc as well as how the HSG and laparoscopy went. So, all in all, it was OK.
If you hadn’t already gathered, I am approaching another cycle and although it is very much in the forefront of my mind, I am trying to take a step back from the whole cycle thing. I have been so weighed down by my cycle. I spend the week before I am due dreading the arrival of a period that will make me feel so ill and unhappy so this month I am fighting back.
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