7dp5dt

I've not blogged since the transfer because I have been trying to keep my mind off the whole 2ww thing! I know, better said than done. The first few days of the wait were OK, I was still smugly reeling in the glory of a smooth transfer with a grade A blastocyst. This week, or to be more precise, the 6th day of the 2ww (so not even into the 2nd week) has been tough. It's the period cramps that have totally thrown me. I was expecting them because I have read everywhere that they happen but when I was woken by them last night I spent a restless night convinced that we have reached the end of this IVF journey.

My official test date is still a week away but I am planning on testing at the weekend (if I get there before my period arrives). I need to know before I go back to work, I just can't face testing on the morning when I have to go into work and act like everything is OK.

Today really is the first day that I have felt like crying. Throughout this IVF there have been no emotional break downs but I have a feeling that this is all about to change. I think the hardest part of all this is the feeling that I have let D down. Everything was perfect, the sperm, the eggs, the fertilisation report and the quality of the final three embryos. The final stumbling block is down to me and my body.


Bloody hell, I just feel so deflated today.

Transfer complete

I woke up this morning feeling very nervous, more nervous than egg collection day. This was the part of IVF that had always filled me with fear but, not any more. It was OK, in fact it was quite an emotional experience.

On Monday the embryologist informed us that we had 7 embryos on track and 1 that was slightly behind. We were told that we would be going with a 5 day transfer and that they would see us on Wednesday at 11.30am.

Once I was gowned up and in theatre we were told that we had a grade A blastocyct to put back in today and that we had 2 further grade A's for the freezer which is great news. The ET itself was fine, I had a full bladder that wasn't too uncomfortable but meant that we had a really good view of what was happening. I could have cried when we saw the end of the catheter move as the embryo was released.

Now we have the agonising 2ww.

The best way to combat the depression that sets in on the second part of the two week wait:

1. Go out to lunch,
2. Eat chips (even though you are meant to be on a diet),
3. Buy lots of things that you don't really need,
4. Drink alcohol,
5. Eat more bad food (including another portion of chips - mmmmm, I love the chips),
6. Watch crap telly,
7. Drink even more alcohol,
8. Crawl into bed.

Hanging on

I haven't posted recently because I am sick of sounding miserable. In reality I am not that bad, or at least, I am not that bad most of the time. I suppose I shouldn't worry about sounding miserable, this is, after all an IF blog. I just needed a break, to take a step back from it all.

This month/cycle was the first time, since the laparoscopy in December, that my fertility monitor showed an egg. I was beginning to think that the lovely Al S.ugar (the name I have, belatedly, decided to give our consultant) had done something to my ovaries when he was having a rummage round. So, the mission has been on. We have given it our best shot (lots of sex) and, as a result, I was hopeful. Now, I've always got hope towards the end of a 2ww but, this month I was more than hopeful, I was convinced. Convinced that if this is going to happen for us naturally then this cycle would be our best chance.

I started spotting yesterday.

And the mad IF woman reappeared.

One side of my brain was telling me that it was game over whilst the other side whispered the words implantation bleeding. The rational side knows how unlikely that is (I'm getting all the usual PMT symptoms) but the irrational side just won't let it lie until I am hit by the inevitable flood gates.

This isn't going to be our month.

On the bright side, only 8 weeks until our next appointment.

Only! I can't believe I have written that. It feels like forever since my laparoscopy. I am so sick of waiting.

Other news, we are moving tomorrow! Finally, after living in limbo for two years we have decided enough is enough. The house is being left empty as we have had no interest in either renting or buying which isn't ideal but, I'm beyond caring. Looking forward to the move and a week off.