Tired

I'm really struggling at the moment and I don't know why. Well, when I say I don't know why, I obviously know what the core of the problem is but, I don't know why it is bothering me as much as it is. I know the deal, every month I get my hopes up, every month my period comes, heavier and more painful than the last, every month I turn into the bitch from hell, want to do nothing but lay in bed for days on end and then what? Usually I'm back up and at it. Ready to start afresh, give it another go, convince myself that miracles do happen - I'm told often enough by fertiles who have nothing more to offer you. But, for some reason, this month is different. I've felt this way before. The despair. The anger. The bitterness. The pain. The suffocation. And I am sure that I will get beyond this but, at this moment in time, I can't. I need a break. A break from work, people, ttc, friends, family. I'm tired of pretending that everything is alright, that we are coping with IF.