Could I finally be ready for egg collection?

Firstly, thank you for the comments on the last post. Reading them really perked me up and made me realise that I am not alone.

Since my last post I have been for two scans and thankfully things have improved slightly. I've decided to give up with worrying about the number of follicles, there is nothing I can do about it so we will just have to work with what we've got/get.

As it was a Bank Holiday on Monday the husband got to experience the early morning call at the hospital. It was good to have some company. I don't know whether it was because the husband was with me, or whether I was finally getting to the stage where they could report back but we got a good run through of everything on the scan. When we went to the nurse to have the blood drawn she took us through the scan results from the notes so we got to hear twice how things were progressing nicely which made me feel better. On the way home we decided to go for breakfast in a farm shop not far from where we live, it was lovely. It was a good day.

Today I was back at the hospital for another scan and blood test. Things have progressed a little since Monday so it is still looking like egg collection on Friday, I'm just waiting for a call to confirm.

I feel like I am failing this IVF

Today I feel emotionally exhausted. My excitement and anticipation has dwindled to non-existent. I am sick of injecting. I am sick of trying to be hopeful and I am sick of not responding better to the drugs. I just feel like I am heading for a great big disappointment.

I'm on day 8 of stims. My scan today registered a couple more follicles but they were noted as tiny, the follicles that were visible on the last scan have got bigger. I'm concerned with my lining as I have read somewhere that it needs to be between 8-10 mm but it is still measuring under 6mm. I've also read that stimming takes, on average, 12 days so I really hope that things improve over the next four days.

I go back on Monday for another stim scan.

So far so good

Yesterday I was back at the hospital for a down-regulaton scan and blood test. Thankfully, I received a call in the afternoon to tell me that I had the go ahead to start on the next course of drugs.

The drug for stimming requires a little more work than the drug for down-regulation:

1. You take a syringe and a very long needle,
2. You break a small bottle which contains a water-based solution,
3. You draw the water into the syringe,
4. Place the needle into the first ampule and release the water,
5. Mix the solution,
6. Draw the liquid back into the syringe and then, with the second ampule, repeat steps 4-6,
7. Once both ampules are mixed you draw the solution back into the syringe, trying not to get huge air bubbles,
8. Change the big needle for a much smaller needle,
9. Measure the dosage to 1ml,
10. And inject!

I just knew that it was going to be stressful. My main problem was that there didn't appear to be enough of the water-based solution. For some reason I thought that mixing it with the two ampules might miraculously increase the volume but, unsurprisingly it didn't. I was about to open another bottle of the solution when I realised that the lid of the original bottle contained quite a lot of liquid so I just sucked this up and, after a couple of goes, managed to get rid of the huge air bubbles and have 1ml. In the time that it took me to do this we had had two phone calls. The husband was still on the phone so I decided to inject myself. I was amazed at how easy it was, it didn't hurt at all.

I'm back at the hospital on Monday to see how I am responding. I've been told by various people that once you get to this stage time just flies by, I really hope that is the case because I am already fed up with the morning injections.


I'm starting to get a little excited although I am trying to control it. Positive thoughts occasionally enter my head but I really don't want to build myself up to being so positive that, when it comes to it, I am completely shattered when if it doesn't work.

I have a very 'interesting' object in my uterus

The second scan proved even more eventful than the first.

The 'is it or isn't it a fibroid' question took two sonographers and a consultant 45 minutes to solve. They all commented on how interesting this fibroid/object was in my uterus but, at the time, it didn't feel very interesting. When the Dr (who was young and very good looking - could this get any worse?) started talking about surgery I began to realise that yes, this could definitely get A LOT WORSE!

He said that in cases like this they would prefer to go in to see what it is and that, if I was OK with that he had a cancellation for next Tuesday. All I could think about was that this would postpone the treatment and, surgery? Next Tuesday? Really??!

I think their main concern was the position of the fibroid/object. I say think because, at this point, I was wishing that I was anywhere but there. If it was attached to the endometrium then we had problems. The sonographer suggested adding saline, the Consultant asked if I was OK for this to be done here and now, that it was a procedure similar to embryo transfer - a catheter would be inserted followed by saline. If the saline went around the fibroid/object it was good news, if it didn't, it was bad news and next Tuesday would be on.

The saline, thankfully, went all around the fibroid/object. They seemed happy with the fact that it wasn't attached so I am free to continue with this cycle however, he would like this fibroid/object to be monitored. So, although it was a stressful 45 minutes I have now experienced (minus the full badder) what a embryo transfer is like.

Now, I wait for the paperwork, protocol and prescription to arrive in the post which, the sonographer told me would be in the next two weeks.

We're on to the next stage...phew!

The scan

The 3d antral follicle scan wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. My main concern was the fact that I was on CD3 but thankfully my period decided to go from extremely heavy to light for one day only. The scan did last longer than I had expected because the sonographer (I think that it was they are called) was trying to use a new machine that she wasn't familiar with. She ended up having to call her colleague in which meant that the scan lasted for about half an hour, although it felt like an eternity.

The sonographer didn't say a lot. She seemed happy with the follicles and she did say that there was a small cyst on one of my ovaries but she didn't think that that was a problem. The only thing that she was concerned about was a dark area that could be a fibroid. I've got to go back next Thursday for another scan to see whether the fibroid has gone down after my period.

I did ask her what it would mean if it was a fibroid but she didn't seem to want to comment, she said that we would know more next week.

The best bits of the first appointment

I've been trying not to think too much about our initial appointment mainly because I'm wanting to just go with the flow, keep stress levels low and not over analyse everything.

Isn't it weird that the day I start to write this is the day that my stress levels begin to rise slightly. After being told by the doctor that there wouldn't be a problem with booking a 3d antral follicle count scan, surprise, surprise, it seems that there is a problem. The receptionist this morning said that there were no appointments for Friday but that she would have to try and squeeze me in. She's calling me back once she has sorted it out. That was 4 hours ago. Will she call before I end up calling her? I doubt it.

Anyway, I've digressed slightly, here are the best bits from our first appointment:

* Our infertility is likely to be a combination of my endometriosis and the husband's oligoasthenozoospermia.
* The husband's morphology has increased by 0.5 and has increased overall by 2.5 since his original SA.
* They will decide on the day whether to do ICSI or not.
* If our cycle is cancelled for any reason then that is the end of our funded treatment although we will have the option to appeal.
* It's all down to luck!

My views on the above:

* Hearing that our infertility is a combination of both of us really helped the husband so, for that diagnosis, I am thankful.
* I'll take any kind of increase on the morphology because I am sure that that is our main problem.
* I'd rather go with ICSI (because of the morphology issue) but she did say that it can cause damage so I am happy to go with the experts.
* I'm really hoping that we don't have a cancelled cycle but, if it happens, we will have to deal with it.
* I always knew that it was a case of luck but actually hearing the doctor say it makes you realise that they can only do so much and it really is down to luck. A little scary as we aren't really all that lucky!