A whole load of emotion

I would never have predicted the variety of emotions I would be experiencing following approval for treatment on the NHS. Even though the decision is well overdue and I am ecstatic to finally be moving on to the next stage, I have found the whole thing very scary and emotional. I have, however, been reassured by other IF bloggers about to embark on IVF for the first time posting similar fears, concerns and excitement, it makes me realise that everything that I am going through is normal or as normal as it can be.

Surprisingly, this last week I have been experiencing waves of anger similarly to when we first started going through this. I think it is the anticipation of what we have to come, mixed with the thought of yet another Christmas without a family. It's weird because I am aware of it and I know that it is irrational but I can't stop feeling angry that friends were able to have a family without having to go through what we will be going through in February/March/April. I know that this anger will pass, that as the date of our first consultation approaches it will change to excitement, fear, anticipation, optimism, pessimism, hope, and either relief, happiness and joy or sadness and despair.

Our initial consultation is on 1 February which, when I received the letter, felt like a lifetime away. Now, it doesn't feel too bad. Yes, I am keen to get started and I would do it tomorrow if I could but, realistically, February is a good date. It gives us time to detox after Christmas and time really will fly by I am sure.