Some things change

Today, whilst looking through the websites in my 'favourites' folder I came across a couple of sites that I use to be obsessed with when we first started ttc. These ttc/pregnancy websites contain lots of useful advice about what you should do when ttc, they also have ovulating calculators and due date calendars. I can remember using the ovulating calculator religiously and I would even use the due date calendar to work out when our baby would be due if we were success that particular month.

Oh, to return to those days, when hope was there and I was confident that we would conceive within the year. I would even get excited when my period was due because of the prospect of a possible pregnancy. I have come a long way from those days.

Now, I don't go anywhere near ttc/pregnancy websites, I know what to do and when to do it. I have sorted out my diet, I don't drink like I use to and I have been popping prenatal vitamins for nearly three years. Until I came across the ttc/pregnancy website today I had completely forgotten about the due date calendar. When I saw it I had such a pang of longing.

I want to feel the excitement of POAS and getting a positive. I want to enjoy working out when our baby is due and working towards each new milestone. I want to feel excited that we have a baby growing. I want to experience morning sickness. I want to have a scan and see a heart beat and our baby bumping around in the womb. I want to feel a baby move inside me. I want to experience labour and I want to hold our baby in my arms. I know it is a lot to ask but others seem to manage it quite easily.